


My friends and I, we got a lot of problems

by camiisado



Series: Group Chat [2]
Category: All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Group chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-09
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-07-22 13:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 100
Words: 15,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7440487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camiisado/pseuds/camiisado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Sequel to Group Chat Gone Right)</p><p>Brendon has added you to a group chat! again</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Pack your bags

Brendo: this university is shit and I hate it  
  
Ryro: you hate it because I'm not there don't you?  
  
Brendo: no they only have waffles on Tuesday  
  
Brendo: I HAD 13 YEARS OR TORTURE AND THEY'RE GOING TO ONLY GIVE ME WAFFLES ON TUESDAY  
  
Ryro: well my college has no waffles consider yourself lucky  
  
Brendo: Then come to my university asshole and we can complain about the waffles together

Asskarth: you guys get food in the morning?

Baracat: THERE'S FOOD IN THE MORNING YOU JUST REFUSE TO GET OUT OF BED UNTIL IT'S 3 MINUTES BEFORE YOUR CLASSES START

Asskarth: I'm a growing boy I need my sleep

Brendo: why is this like when Alex refused to get out of bed that one day and we squirted him with water guns

Asskarth: that wasn't very nice btw

Ty: HA JOSH AND MY COLLEGE HAS WAFFLES EVERY MORNING  
  
Dun with ur shit: HELL YEAH  
  
Brendo: damn music colleges  
  
Ty: you're at a music college?  
  
Brendo: Fuck it Ryan pack your bags we're going to the college Tyler and Josh are going to and I'm getting waffles  
  
Ryro: Just go to the store and buy some waffles?  
  
Brendo: I SAID PACK YOUR BAGS WERE GOING TO ANOTHER COLLEGE


	2. Armadillos

Frnk to Brendon Baggins, Ryro, Ty, Jesus, Asskarth, Baracat

Frnk: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU BUY PLANE TICKETS

Brendon Baggins: why did a drug deal go wrong and u have to flee the country to protect your family of 4

Frnk: ah yes that's exactly why

Frnk: no u dumbass I'm going to surprise Gerard I found a job down there and hopefully he'll let me stay with him or I'll be homeless in the streets of London

Asskarth: JACK WHY DONT U DO SHIT LIKE THIS FOR ME

Baracat: 1. We go to the same college 2. We share a room 3. We share a bed

Asskarth: you can still surprise visit me

Baracat: WHEN YOUR TAKING A SHIT?

Asskarth: yes it gets quite lonely

Baracat: YOU TEXT ME WHILE YOUR PEEING

Asskarth: YOU DO THE SAME

Ryro: Oh god they're starting to be inseparable like Josh and Tyler

Ty: WHATS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

Jesus: SAY THAT TO MY FACE

Ryro: yeah but if I said it to yours I would also be saying it to Tyler's

Jesus: Fight me egghole

Ryro: what is an egghole

Jesus: a hole for an egg

Ryro: so like your mouth?

Jesus: anything is a dildo if you're brave enough

Ryro: I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE

Jesus: DO IT

Frnk: THANKS FOR ANSWERING MY QUESTION ARMADILLOS

Ty: armadillo?

Jesus: Armadillo: noun: a nocturnal omnivorous mammal that has large claws for digging and a body covered in bony plates. Armadillos are native to the south central US and Central and South America.

Brendon Baggins: thanks for that Josh

Jesus: Im like Bill Nye up in this bitch   
   
   

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So idk how many chapters there's going to be (probably 100 like GCGR) anyways these comments are making me so happy. I'm going through a bit of a rough patch, but they're really cheering me up. :)


	3. Gayass is back

Jesus: TYLER GOT KICKED OUT OF CLASS

Ryro: Im honestly not surprised

Ty: THE PROFESSOR IS MEAN

Jesus: HE TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T JUMP OFF THE PIANO

Ty: BUT ITS FUN

Jesus: ITS A DAMN EXPENSIVE PIANO

Urine: TYLER YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE A BACKFLIP OFF THE PIANO

Ty: I'm too cool for backflips

Jesus: you can't do them?

Ty: I said I'm too cool for backflips

Ryro: it's 2:22 make a wish

Ryro: I wish to not be friends with Josh

Ryro: great my wish came true fuck you Josh

Jesus: marry me Ryan

Ryro: no 

Gayrard: it's 10?

Gayrard: wait damn timezones 

Urine: Gayass is back

Gayrard: wow okay

Ryro: how's London gaylord

Urine: it was funny when I said it

Gayrard: it's lit

Ryro: that's it just lit

Gayrard: LiT

Gayrard: I miss Frank tho

Milky Way: I don't I'm glad he isn't in my house everyday anymore

Frnk: You love me you pineapple

Urine: he does look like a pineapple

Jesus: Mikey were you adopted and your real parents are pineapples

Milky Way: no

Gayrard: yes

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there anything you want to see happen? I have some ideas so yea (awkwardest human award should be given to me)


	4. Ghost bros

Jesus: guys I think there's someone in my dorm

Asskarth: u mean Tyler?

Ty: I'm right next to him u radioactive banana 

Urine: open the door

Jesus: WHY THE FUCK WOULD I DO THAT

Urine: OPEN IT

Ty: Brendon you better not be in our dorm I swear

Ryro: SURPRISE

Jesus: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU TYPE THAT AND SAY IT AT THE SAME TIME

Ryro: it's not that hard?

Gayrard: I'm so confused what the fuck just happened

Ty: We walked in and Brendon and Ryan were laying on our beds in the draw me like one of your French girls position

Baracat: omg

Asskarth: I want to join this party tf

Ryro: COME TO OUR COLLEGE

Jesus: no pls stay away

Asskarth: I'm going to visit this weekend

Jesus: NO

Jesus: I MEAN

Jesus: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DO THAT

Asskarth: some kids around campus are talking about a party this weekend at your college and I'm like "hey my bfuddup go there so why don't I go visit"

Jesus: bfuddup?

Asskarth: best friends until death do us part

Urine: nah when we all die we're going to be ghost bros

Ty: What if I don't want to be ghost bros

Urine: WERE GOING TO BE GHOST BROS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all your comments are so nice and they honestly make me so happy reading them (I kind of want to do something for you guys but idk what maybe like a q & a or something


	5. Stormboli

Ryro: what do you call an Italian storm?

Jesus: YOU TOLD ME THIS JOKE 50 TIMES IN THE PAST HALF HOUR

Ryro: a stormboli

Jesus: Brendon is your dorm unlocked?

Urine: IM TRYING TO SLEEP but yes it is come right in

Ty: why did Josh get up and grab a chair and walk out of our room angrily?

Baracat: LMAO RIP RYAN

Memelord: BRENDON FILM IT (also what's up you fucks)

Urine: WILL DO (also PETEEEEE)

Ty: PETE'S BACK WHERES PATRICK

Memelord: idk he probably has the chat on mute I'll throw a pillow at him

asstrick: I was summoned

Ty: PATRICKKKKK

asstrick: oh no

asstrick: I gotta go I think my mom's calling me

Ty: you're using your phone rn?

asstrick: SORRY I GOTTA TALK TO MY MOM

Memelord: He's not talking to his mom

Urine: RYAN BARRICADED THE DOOR AND JOSH IS TRYING TO BREAK IT OH MY GOD

Ty: IM COMING TO SEE THIS

Ryro: hey josh

Jesus: what

Ryro: what do you call an Italian storm?

Jesus: I will sneak into your room and give you a mullet while you sleep

Ryro: a stormboli

Jesus: you're a fucking dingleberry fucker

 

 

 


	6. life's deep man

Asskarth: oh yea I never told u fucks guess who goes to my college

Urine: George W Bush?

Asskarth: The person u hate the most

Ryro: Josh goes to my college?

Urine: Dildo Weekes

Asskarth: YEP

Baracat: oh he saw me the other day and asked how Brendon was and I told him u died

Urine: only on the inside

Ty: that was deep man

Urine: life's deep man

Asskarth: how high are you?

Urine: like a 7

Jesus: my club penguin account got banned and now my life has no purpose

Asstrick: YOU'RE IN COLLEGE AND YOU'RE PLAYING CLUB PENGUIN

Jesus: yes you piece of cabbage

Urine: how the fuck do you even get banned

Jesus: I was playing a game and I lost and I said "Fuck you you're probably 12 years old fuck you and go back to preschool kiddo"

Asstrick: JOSHUA WILLIAM DUN

Jesus: I may have also said "Who do you think you are beating me? you are nothing but a piece of trash fuck you and fuck your mom"

Urine: JOSH THE GAME IS FOR KIDS

 

 

 


	7. All Star

Ty: WHO PUT ALL STAR ON THE WIRELESS SPEAKERS

Urine: JOSH

Jesus: BRENDON

Ty: I knew it you moist towelettes

Urine: IT WAS JOSHS IDEA

Jesus: NO IT WASN'T YOU DAMN QUESADILDO

Memelord: I just googled it and my college is like 30 minutes away from yours so if I drive really fast I can probably be there in like 15

Urine: DO IT

Asstrick: please don't do that

Memelord: IM DOING IT

Mel: I'm across the country so no party for me

Ty: wait you're across the country?

Mel: yeah I'm at a beauty school in New York

Urine: WHEN THE FUCK DID THIS HAPPEN

Mel: like 2 weeks ago idk

Urine: also STOP CHANGING THE MUSIC

Ryro: NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO NEVER GONNA GO YOU UP

Urine: I DO

Jesus: I have an idea

Ryro: WHAT FUCKING SONG IS THIS

Jesus: MY NECK MY BACK

Ryro: Im calling the police

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might add some people next chapter if that's cool


	8. bird boy

Jesus: what the hell is Brendon doing

Ryro: his flamingo impression

Ty: I paid Lynn 5 dollars to push him down

Ryro: Lynn?

TyHo: the girl that just pushed Brendon off a table

Urine: fuck you Tyler

Ty: love you too bird boy

Jesus: I filmed it

Urine: DELETE IT JOSHUA

Jesus: NEVER

Urine: I hope you get attacked by Pelicans

"Ty" added "fucked your mom" to the chat

fucked your mom: I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THIS TYLER NO

Urine: ARE YOU THE ONE WHO PUSHED ME OFF THE TABLE

fucked your mom: haha yea

Urine: you wanna fight bro

fucked your mom: yeah bro

Urine: let's gO BRO

fucked your mom: alriGHT BRO 1 V 1 LETS GO

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how many of you listen to PVRIS but I love them so yea I might keep Lynn in sort of like Mel but idk


	9. pepperoni nipples

Urine: I've eaten so much ramen I think I might explode

Urine: should I eat cereal?

Ryro: Brendon no

Urine: Brendon yes

Frnk: LET HIM DO HIS THING

Urine: Brendon no was right

Urine: IM CRYING AND I THINK SOME OF IT IS MILK

Ty: that's disgusting

Ryro: I TOLD YOU

Urine: SHUT UP PEPPERONI NIPPLES

fucked ur mom: I heard someone crying and it sounded like a girl and I thought someone broke up with someone and I looked out my door and it's Brendon crying over a bowl

Urine: I SAW A GOOD PICTURE OF A BEAVER AND MY CEREAL WAS REALLY GOOD OKAY

Jesus: A BEAVER YOU WERE CRYING OVER A BEAVER

Urine: YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS BEAVER ASSHOLES

Memelord: ITS AN AQUATIC ANIMAL

Urine: SEMIAQUATIC

fucked your mom: SOME GIRL YELLED AT HIM OH MY GOD

Urine: why do bad things happen to good people

Ryro: how much weed have you smoked

Urine: 7

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish I could say most of this wasn't true (it was a cute beaver okay)


	10. Spaghetti and memeballs

Ty: I accidentally made a gallon of spaghetti

Gayrard: how the hell do you manage to do that

Ty: I was looking at a recipe and it was like fill the pot with water then with the pasta and I had to use like four boxes of pasta

Asstrick: Did something not go off in your mind that told you four boxes of pasta was too many?

Ty: THE ONLY THING THAT WENT OFF IN MY MIND WAS DAMN I BET THIS IS GOING TO BE SOME GOOD SPAGHETTI

Frnk: Wow gee you can reply to the group chat but not me thanks

Gayrard: YOU KEPT SENDING ME MEMES YOU FOUND ON THE INTERNET

Frnk: IM GIVING YOU AMERICAN MEMES YOU UNGRATEFUL LEMON

Gayrard: IM GRATEFUL OF THE MEMES

Frnk: IM SURE YOU ARE

Gayrard: I AM ARE WE SERIOUSLY GETTING IN A FIGHT OVER MEMES

Frnk: NOT ANYMORE BYE

"Frnk" has left the chat

"Gayrard" has left the chat

Jesus: and that's how I met your mother

Asstrick: JOSHUA

Ryro: WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED

Ty: IM SORRY THIS IS ALL MY FAULT I SHOULDNT HAVE MADE THE PASTA

Jesus: it wasn't your fault babe I'll come eat the pasta with you

Urine: spaghetti and memeballs

Ryro: I WANT PASTA

Jesus: then go to the store and buy some smh these bitches am I right

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i don't even know what this is okay bye


	11. Alex Way

"Urine" added "Frnk" and "Gayrard" to the chat

Urine: YOU WILL NOT LEAVE THIS CHAT UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER

"Gayrard" has left the chat

Urine: this was much easier when we all were lived near each other

"Urine" added "Gayrard" to the chat

Frnk: GERARD SHOULD FIRST

Gayrard: FOR NOT REPLYING TO YOUR MEMES?

Frnk: YES

Gayrard: I'M SORRY FOR NOT REPLYING TO YOUR MEMES

Frnk: THANK YOU

Gayrard: REALLY THANK YOU

Urine: FRANK APOLOGIZE

Frnk: FOR WHAT

Gayrard: FOR GETTING ANGRY OVER ME NOT REPLYING

Frnk: ITS A COMPLETELY VALID REASON TO GET ANGRY OVER SOMEONE NOT REPLYING

Gayrard: YOU'RE NOT COMPLETELY VALID

Asskarth: as we can see Frank and Gerard aren't working out so Gerard do you want to get married

Gayrard: no

Baracat: no

Asskarth: BUT ALEX WAY HAS A RING TO IT

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is based off this thing I saw where Alex emailed Mikey (or something like that) and yea I died inside a bit


	12. Meme Daddy X4

Ryro: Can u guys start calling me meme daddy

Urine: what the fuck no I'm meme daddy

Memelord: no that's me

Daddy: THE ONLY DADDY HERE IS ME

Urine: PETE SHUT UP YOU'RE ALREADY MEMELORD

Memelord: MEME DADDY AND MEMELORD ARE THE SAME THING

Urine: NO ITS FUCKING NOT IM MEME DADDY

Meme Daddy: Sorry dudes

Meme Daddy: DAMN IT JOSH

Meme Daddy: WHAT THE FUCK RYAN

Meme Daddy: JOSH CHANGE YOUR NAME

Meme Daddy: BOTH OF YOU CHANGE YOUR NAME

Meme Daddy: SHUT UP BRENDON

Ty: THIS IS GETTING CONFUSING

Meme Daddy: SHUT UP TYLER

Meme Daddy: SHUT UP TYLER

Meme Daddy: SHUT UP TYLER

Meme Daddy: SHUT UP TYLER

Asstrick: PETE WHY

Meme Daddy: ily

Meme Daddy: WE SHOULD START A BAND

Meme Daddy: MEME DADDY X4 

Meme Daddy: HEY GUYS SORRY IM LATE FOR THE PARTY

Meme Daddy: Go away Frank 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't get me started on MCR I'm going to throw myself off a building


	13. The Memer Games

  
Meme Daddy: I have an idea

Meme Daddy: shut up Josh

Meme Daddy: shut up you shrimp ass

Meme Daddy: anyways we have a fight to the death and whoever wins gets the title Meme Daddy

Meme Daddy: THE MEMER GAMES

Meme Daddy: but then we won't be meme daddy x4

Asstrick: it was never meant to be

Meme Daddy: you never let me live my dreams

Asstrick: the last time you said that you had trash bags tied to your arms and trying to jump off a staircase

Meme Daddy: I WOULD'VE SURVIVED

Asstrick: WITH A BROKEN ARM

Meme Daddy: they fight like a married couple

Meme Daddy: I don't think married couples fight about that tbh

 


	14. law 420

  
Ryro: I hate you Brendon

Meme Daddy: you know my name not my story

Ryro: OF COURSE I KNOW YOUR NAME BECAUSE IT WAS MINE FIRST

Jesus: I didn't know your name was asshole Ryan

Memelord: OH SHIT

Gayrard: DRAG HIM

Meme Daddy: I feel attacked

Meme Daddy: this goes against law 420

Ryro: is that even a thing

Ty: The only things that come up is about medical marijuana

Meme Daddy: exactly

Ryro: THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING

Meme Daddy: uh excuse you Gerard said "drag him" and I drag my blunt so yea check your privilege

Ryro: MY PRIVILEGE WHAT THE FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapters have been shit lately sorry


	15. You may now kiss...

Ryro: why did 6 wanna fuck 7?

Ty: that is the weirdest set up for a joke I've ever heard

Ryro: because 7 8 ass

Meme Daddy: what part of the Internet did you find that on asshole blasthole

Ryro: that's private information dick rick

Meme Daddy: fuck buck

Ryro: shit pit

Meme Daddy: bitch ditch

Ryro: penis denis

Meme Daddy: Paul Blart

Ryro: I JUST HAD TO GASP FOR OXYGEN

Ty: That should be your wedding vows

Jesus: YOU MAY NOW KISS PAUL BLART MALL COP

 

 


	16. Hot Dog

Gayrard: FRANK

Ryro: HOT DOG

Gayrard: what the fuck

Ryro: I thought we were saying names for hot dogs

Jesus: WEINER

Frnk: wow okay I see who's not being invited to my birthday party

Jesus: jokes on you I didn't want to go anyways

Gayrard: HES IN LONDON ON MY TOLIET

Meme Daddy: we didn't need to know wiener is taking a shit

Frnk: HOW DO YOU KNOW IM SHITTING

Meme Daddy: you refuse to sit down when you pee

Frnk: WHY DO YOU KNOW THAT

Meme Daddy: ;)

Frnk: I'm ordering a restraining order on Brendon

Gayrard: Mikey always pees sitting down

Milky Way: don't expose me like this 


	17. go fuckith thy self

Jesus: I need another cat

Memelord: Josh u live in a dorm you can't have a cat

Jesus: As William Shakespeare probably once said "fuckith youith"

Memelord: go fuckith thy self

Jesus: that's not very nice

Memelord: you're not very nice

Jesus: you're an egg

Memelord: you're a radish

Jesus: you're an orangutan

Memelord: you're Paul Blart

Jesus: WHY DOES IT ALWAYS END WITH PAUL BLART

Memelord: Paul Blart is daddy as fuck

Asstrick: why do you not think before you say  



	18. Alex (Patrick) is a kinky shit

Meme Daddy: This is bullshit I've been on my phone this entire class and have not been kicked out yet

Ryro: you want to be kicked out?

Meme Daddy: it's an addiction and I'm having a relapse

Jesus: just walk out and leave?

Meme Daddy: that would be giving in to the enemy

Ryro: well my schedule is tighter than my asshole so I can't just leave

Meme Daddy: I should know

Asstrick: NO STOP IM AN INNOCENT CHILD

Memelord: sweetie we all know that's a lie

Ryro: I think he says that so he could believe it

Asstrick: get away from me

Daddy: Patrick is a kinky shit

Asstrick: you spelled Alex wrong

Asskarth: wHAT HAVE I DONE TO YOU

Asstrick: YOU'VE SAID IT YOURSELF

Asskarth: ok true BUT YOU STOLE MY NAME

Asstrick: IVE STOLEN NOTHING FROM YOU

Asskarth: MY WILL TO LIVE

Asstrick: mine left when I met all of you

Meme Daddy: OH SHIT I LAUGHED SO HARD I GOT KICKED OUT

Ryro: IM CRYING

Memelord: what the hell just happened

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what this is


	19. masturbation station

Asskarth: HELP

Meme Daddy: did u get in trouble with the Russian mafia again?

Asskarth: ONE TIME

Asskarth: BUT NO JACK REFUSES TO LET ME INTO OUR ROOM HE KEEPS CALLING IT HIS "MASTURBATION STATION"

Daddy: it's masturbation cocoon get it right

Jesus: I think I like masturbation station better

Daddy: but that makes it sound like my dick is train

Jesus: masturbation cocoon sounds like once you're done you're going to turn into a butterfly when really you're a moth

Daddy: WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN

Ryro: Im going to write a book called "Wise words or Joshua Dun" and that's going to be in it along with "does it smell like magenta in here?"

Jesus: when in the heckle did I say that

Ryro: yesterday

Jesus: you can't hold me to anything

Ryro: you raised your hand and asked the professor like 50 people heard you

Jesus: listen kiddo, I may have said some stupid shit in the past but nothing is worst then asking if something smells like magenta I hate magenta why would I say that

Ryro: BECAUSE YOU ATE HALF A PAN OF POT BROWNIES

Jesus: I JUST THOUGHT THEY WERE SOME GOOD BROWNIES

Ryro: Tyler control your husband

Ty: Im a widow my husband died in world war 1 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea what this is I'm sorry


	20. you're a baguette

Ryro: Fuck you Jack

Daddy: I mean if you want to

Ryro: not that way you bagget

Memelord: do u mean baguette?

Ryro: you're a baguette

Ryro: no I tripped over Alex this morning when I was walking out

Daddy: how is this my problem it's your floor

Ryro: 1. it's your boyfriend 2. HE HAD TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR SINCE YOU REFUSED TO LET HIM IN YOUR MASTURBATION STATION

Daddy: ITS A COCOON

Ryro: ITS GONNA BE YOUR DEATHBED IF YOU DONT LET HIM BACK IN

Meme Daddy: O SHIT

Jesus: YOOO

Memelord: SAVAGE

Ty: where even is Alex

Meme Daddy: he's in MY room playing MY video games eating MY snacks

Jesus: then kick him out

Meme Daddy: BUT HES LIKE A LITTLE HOMELESS PUPPY

Jesus: you gotta let him go and if he comes back let him go again and if he comes back AGAIN get a restraining order


	21. the deed has been done

Meme Daddy: I want cereal but there's no milk

Asstrick: eat it without milk then

Meme Daddy: WHO DO YOU THINK I AM

Ty: Josh once put energy drink into his cereal and threw it up after

Jesus: HEY I DIDNT DO THAT ONCE it was twice

Meme Daddy: there's Coke in the fridge

Memelord: Why would you put cocaine in your cereal

Jesus: I think he means the drink u sardine

Ryro: BRENDON IF YOU PUT SODA IN YOUR CEREAL IM BREAKING UP WITH YOU

Meme Daddy: the deed has been done

Ryro: please help me

Ryro: I can't stay with him any longer

Meme Daddy: this is the worst thing to ever happen to me

Jesus: are you sure? I mean there was that time where you got stuck in the baby swing

Meme Daddy: that was you Josh

Jesus: No it wasn't

Memelord: yes it was Brendon called me and we had to help you get out 


	22. Josh for president

Jesus: Guys I'm running for president

Ryro: you don't even run in general why would you run for president

Jesus: I think I'd be a great president

Meme Daddy: you'd start world war 3

Jesus: I'd make weed legal

Meme Daddy: YOU GOT MY VOTE

Daddy: isn't their qualifications

Jesus: you know what their isn't qualifications for?

Daddy: what

Jesus: shutting the fuck up

Daddy: I hate you

Asskarth: If Josh was president he'd deport Jack

Daddy: to where

Jesus: hell

Daddy: ah yes my home

Meme Daddy: Then Josh gets my vote times 2

Asskarth: Tyler tell your boyfriend he can't be president

Ty: no

Jesus: I'll deport Alex also 

Asskarth: to hell?

Jesus: the sun 

 

 

 

 

 


	23. one man show

Ryro: BOYS AND GIRLS OF EVERY AGE

Asstrick: N O T A G A I N

Ryro: WOULDN'T LIKE TO SEE SOMETHING STRANGE

Asstrick: ARE YOU GOING TO DO THIS EVERY OCTOBER

Ryro: COME WITH US AND YOU WILL SEE THIS OUR TOWN OF HALLOWEEN

Asstrick: I hate u

Ryro: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

Jesus: THIS IS HALLOWEEN

Ryro: JOSH SHUT UP DID I ASK YOU TO SING

Jesus: I thought you would like me to join

Ryro: IM A ONE MAN SHOW FUCK YOU

Jesus: I mean I would prefer if you didn't

Ryro: I've eaten potato salad that is more sexually appealing than you

Jesus: I've eaten bananas that are more apeeling than you

Ryro: was that a fucking pun Joshua

Jesus: don't throw a cow

Asstrick: do you mean don't have a cow?

Jesus: I mean Ryan can give birth to a cow if he wants just don't throw one

 


	24. dick biscuits

Ryro: what are y'all doing for Halloween?

Asstrick: don't say y'all

Ryro: what are you dick biscuits doing for Halloween

Memelord: TRICK OR TREATING

Ryro: YOU DO THAT EVERY YEAR

Jesus: well you're probably going to have a stupid party which you have every year

Ryro: wow okay

Jesus: IF YOU CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN

Meme Daddy: WE DONT LIVE SO FAR FROM EACH OTHER WE SHOULD FUCK SHIT UP YOU KNOW PULL SOME PRANKS RUN FROM POLICE

Asstrick: make Patrick bail us out of jail which I won't

Jesus: THAT ACTUALLY SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA WE COULD PULL SOME HARMLESS PRANKS

Ryro: IM IN

Ty: Sure

Asstrick: does this mean I have to get a job for bail money

Jesus: yep

Asstrick: I hate you all


	25. There's nothing halloweenish about Jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spooky dick - Ryan  
> Satan- Brendon  
> Hallomeme- Pete  
> Spook Daddy- Jack

Spooky dick: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?

 

Spooky dick: because he had no BODY to go with

 

Spooky dick: ha hA

 

Jesus: why didn’t ryan go to the party? Because no one invited him because no one likes him

 

Hallomeme: SAVAGE

 

Hallomeme: ARE YOU KIDDING ME PETE

 

Hallomeme: I came up with this name first fuck you

 

Spook Daddy: fine 

 

Satan: Josh why is ur name still Jesus there’s nothing halloweenish about Jesus

 

Jesus: but if I changed my name it would just feel wrong like if you put the milk in first then cereal

 

Satan: I put my milk in first

 

Jesus: wait are you serious

 

Satan: yes 

 

Jesus: SIN ALERT THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU

 

Satan: WHAT’S WRONG WITH PUTTING THE MILK IN FIRST

 

Trick or Tyler: literally everything 

 

Hallomeme: I’m never talking to Brendon again

 

Jesus: I can’t even look in your direction rn 

 

Hallomeme: RYAN DO U KNOW ABOUT THIS

 

Spooky dick: yes 

 

Hallomeme: and you’re still dating him?

  
Spooky dick: “Nobody’s perfect” - Hannah Montana 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> does anyone actually put the milk in first? (like it's okay if you do, but why)


	26. Josh exposed

Trick or Tyler: IM EXPOSING JOSH HE POURED MILK FIRST TODAY

Satan: OH SHIT

Hallomeme: JOSHUA

Jesus: I WAS TESTING IT OUT

Satan: MHM JOIN THE DARK SIDE

Jesus: YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE

Trick or Tyler: he literally just ran out of our room

Satan: IM RUNNING

Spooky dick: why this is not the first time I've seen Brendon running in just Pokemon pants

Satan: JOSH JUST ADMIT YOU POUR THE MILK FIRST

Jesus: NEVER

Satan: WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU EVEN RUN TO

Jesus: IM HIDING

fucked ur mom: he's in my room

Jesus: DAMNIT I FORGOT U WERE IN THIS CHAT LYNN

fucked ur mom: happy to help

 

 

 


	27. ride or die bros

Jesus: okay but literally who the fuck likes candy corn

Hallomeme: me bitch

Satan: Josh this is why nobody likes you

Jesus: Tyler likes me

Trick or Tyler: new phone who dis

Jesus: THAT MEME IS SO OLD

Satan: one day one of us is going to kill Josh

Hallomeme: why not all of us

Satan: I'm a lone wolf

Hallomeme: I thought we were ride or die bros

Satan: I SAID IM A LONE WOLF

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS CHAPTER IS SO SHORT SORRY (also I love candy corn bye)


	28. Legs

Asstrick: I'm sorry

"Asstrick" added "Legs" to the chat

Spooky Dick: BRENDON MADE A BIRD NOISE

Legs: OKAY LISTEN I KNOW WE'VE HAD SOME BEEF IN THE PAST

Frnkenstein: I'm a vegetarian

Legs: I JUST WANT FRIENDS

Satan: Read ✔️ 12:45 am

Legs: okay thanks

Jesus: JUST GIVE THE BOY A CHANCE

Spooky Dick: Josh this is why we all hate you a little less than Dallon

Legs: SERIOUSLY WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH

Spooky Dick: 1. You tried to steal my boyfriend 2. we got in a fight and you gave me a black eye 3. no 4. you're ridiculously tall

Legs: You hate me because I'm tall?

Spooky Dick: YES I HAVE A CONSPIRACY YOU WERE RAISED MY GIRAFFES

Legs: I can guarantee I was not

Satan: I don't trust you

Legs: I WASNT RAISED BY GIRAFFES

Satan: THATS WHAT THEY ALL SAY

Satan: YOU KNOW WHAT FUCK IT IM GOING TO SLEEP BYE

Legs: without me? ;)

Satan: Should I kill myself or him first


	29. Big foot

Legs: Alright so I know you guys like hate me but do you guys want to hang out on Halloween

Satan: We're busy

Jesus: you can come

Satan: I SWEAR TO GOD JOSH LITERALLY GO SUCK A DICK

Jesus: Why get down on your knees to suck a dick when you can get on your knees to pray for forgiveness of your sins

Legs: only a hoe for the lord

Spooky Dick: Literally Dallon on your knees you would be the height of Frank

Frnkenstein: I WILL SUE YOU

Legs: nah I think I might be a bit taller

Frankenstein: See you in court

Legs: I'm not sure you can see over the stand

Frankenstein: WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE TO YOU BIG FOOT

Spooky Dick: BIG FOOT

Legs: honestly you're being so rude right now

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that the chapters have been so short I kind of don't know what I'm doing with it but I have a couple ideas so yea


	30. Pillsbury dough bitch

Jesus: I WAS TRYING TO GO TO TACO BELL AND MY CAR BROKE DOWN AND I DONT KNOW WHO TO CALL

Legs: GHOSTBUSTERS

Jesus: THIS IS SERIOUS PILLSBURY DOUGH BITCH

Satan: Josh it's 1 am Taco Bell is closed

Jesus: Time is an illusion

Satan: just like our friendship

Jesus: OKAY BUT SERIOUSLY I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

Satan: I think Patrick has a car

Jesus: PATRICK

Pumpkin Pat: STOP CALLING MY PHONE I NEED MY BEAUTY SLEEP

Jesus: AND I NEED YOU TO PICK ME UP

Pumpkin Pat: no

Jesus: please

Pumpkin Pat: You got gas money?

Jesus: yea

Pumpkin Pat: that's a damn lie and you know it

Jesus: yea


	31. Prison Bitch Club

Hallomeme: PATRICK GOT ARRESTED

Hallomeme: I ALMOST PEED MY PANTS

Satan: WAIT WHY

Hallomeme: HE RAN A YELLOW LIGHT AND THE COP THOUGHT IT WAS A RED LIGHT AND THEY GOT IN AN ARGUMENT AND NOW I THINK PATRICK'S PARENTS HAVE TO PICK HIM UP

Satan: where are you?

Hallomeme: I'm sitting in the car I got my license taken away

Jesus: how did you manage to do that

Hallomeme: I don't want to talk about it

Jesus: I'll come with Brendon

Satan: dude don't say it like that

Jesus: me and Brendon will be coming soon

Satan: NOT ANY BETTER

Frankenstein: HA NOW IM NOT THE ONLY ONE TO BE ARRESTED

Spook Daddy: PATRICK IS JOINING THE PRISON BITCH CLUB

Frankenstein: I WASN'T SOMEONES PRISON BITCH

Jesus: someones is a weird name


	32. Patrickisgoingtojailparty

Spooky Dick: SORRY IM LATE TO THE PATRICKSGOINGTOJAILPARTY

Pumpkin Pat: you guys hAD A PARTY

Satan: what we supposed to do

Pumpkin Pat: I DONT KNOW BUT NOT CELEBRATE ME ALMOST BEING IN THE NEXT SEASON OF ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK

Trick or Tyler: I MADE A TRAIN SOUND

Jesus: WAIT THAT WAS YOU I THOUGHT THAT WAS SOME RABID ANIMAL OUTSIDE

Spooky Dick: WAIT STOP TALKING

Jesus: I'm actually texting

Spooky Dick: You can text when your dead so I suggest you shut up

Spooky Dick: OKAY BUT LIKE A LITTLE BIT AGO DIDNT PATRICK SAY HE WOULD HAVE TO BAIL US OUT OF JAIL

Satan: OH SHIT

Pumpkin Pat: shit

Jesus: Ryan that's something you and karma have in common

Spooky Dick: what

Jesus: you're both a bitch

Spooky Dick: I will sue you you freshly cut grass

Jesus: that sounds like a good thing 

Satan: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I - I don't even know okay


	33. get Taco Bell with my corpse

Jesus: ITS CHRISTMAS TIME

Satan: ITS HALLOWEEN YOU ANIMAL

Jesus: who stuck a candy cane up your ass

Legs: Actually there's still Thanksgiving THEN Christmas

Jesus: Actually you can shut the fuck up

Legs: anyways can I hang out with you guys tonight

Jesus: sure just invite yourself, you know why don't you just invite yourself to Tyler and I's wedding, maybe my death then get Taco Bell with my corpse

Hallomeme: WAIT YOU GUYS ARE GETTING MARRIED

Trick or Tyler: IM ONLY A YOUNG BOY I HAD TO EAT CEREAL OUT OF A POT IM NOT READY FOR MARRIAGE

Jesus: IT WAS A METAPHOR

Spooky Dick: I don't think that's what a metaphor is

Jesus: why don't you go suck a lemon

 


	34. you can bang that dick

Ty: JOSH IS MEAN

Satan: JOSH WHAT DID YOU DO

Jesus: I GOT INVITED TO A FRAT PARTY AND TYLER DIDNT

Ty: EXACTLY

Jesus: ITS A PARTY FOR DRUMMERS

Ty: I CAN BANG A DRUM

Ryro: He can bang that dick

Ty: I'm going to pretend like I didn't read that

Satan: ITS OKAY TYLER YOU CAN COME TO OUR DORM AND WE CAN HAVE A PARTY

Ty: the last "party" at your dorm resulted in Jack having to carry Alex out because he tried to strangle Josh because he killed him in gta

Asskarth: OKAY HE KILLED ME AND STOLE MY CAR

Jesus: ITS JUST A GAME

Asskarth: AND YOU'RE JUST A SPECK ON THE EARTH

Jesus: There's no need to be fucking rude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm doing I'm sorry


	35. Butt Munchers Unite

Ryhoe: ONE TIME MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME TO FUDGE FEMALE DOGS GET MONEY AND I LIVE BY THAT  
  
Ryhoe: FUDGE FEMALE DOGS GET MONEY  
  
Ryhoe: THATS NOT WHAT I MEAN  
  
Ryhoe: WHAT THE HECKLE   
  
Memelord: dude what are you saying  
  
Ryhoe: DID THEY PUT CENSORS ON TEXTS  
  
Jesus: RYAN IS A FUCKTARD  
  
Jesus: Nope  
  
Ryhoe: WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN TO ME  
  
Ryhoe: WHICH LITTLE BUTT MUNCHER DID THAT  
  
Tyho: YEA WHO DID THAT  
  
Ryhoe: WAIT TYLER YOU USED MY PHONE DID YOU DO THIS  
  
Tyho: I can't read all of a sudden I don't know  
  
Ryhoe: I LOVE YOU TYLER  
  
Tyho: I KNEW YOU WERE GOING TO SAY THAT YOU HATE ME HAHAHA   
  
Ryhoe: I want to punch you with all my might  
  
Jesus: Don't punch him please I kind of like him  
  
Tyho: OKAY BUT I NEVER CORRECTED ANYTHING TO BUTT MUNCHER HE DID THAT HIMSELF

"Jesus" changed the name of the chat to "Butt Munchers Unite" 

Ryhoe: What the fudge is even going on anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> w h a t


	36. corn on the cob

Ryhoe: I think I fixed Tyler's mess

Tyho: Sorry I don't think you can fix my life

Ryhoe: U little shit

Ryhoe: IM FREE

Ryhoe: THE TWO BEST THINGS THAT START WITH R: RYAN AND REVENGE

Jesus: You're name isn't really Ryan

Ryhoe: SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE YOU GET SLAPPED THE FUCK UP

Tyho: pls Ryan no 

Ryhoe: YOU BETTER WATCH OUT YOU CORN ON THE COB

Satan: I thought you said you deleted all of the censors

Ryhoe: I did

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry the chapters aren't very long (or good) some stuff is going on rn in my life but I'll try to make them longer soon


	37. Ur mom

Jesus: CHRISTMAS IS IN THE AIR I CAN SMELL IT

Legs: STOP FORGETTING ABOUT THANKSGIVING

Jesus: WHY DONT YOU FORGET HOW TO BREATHE

Legs: Damn man

Jesus: I'm sorry that was rude

Legs: it hurt my heart a little bit

Ryro: YOU HAVE A HEART?

Legs: How am I living then

Ryro: IT WAS A JOKE JUST LIKE YOUR LIFE

Legs: that kind of sucked

Jesus: just like ur dad last night

Legs: well at least your mom swallowed

Jesus: THAT IS DISGUSTING DO NOT BRING MY BIRTH GIVER INTO THIS

Legs: IM SORRY IM SURE SHE IS A LOVELY WOMAN

Jesus: SHE IS

Satan: I almost fell off my bed because I read that part really angrily just "IM SURE SHE IS A LOVELY WOMAN" "SHE IS"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to still try to update everyday but if I miss a day I'm sorry (also your comments are so nice thank you guys gals and nonbinary pals so much :))


	38. pot cereal

Jesus: CONCEPT: WEED CEREAL

Legs: are you just going to leave it off at there or

Jesus: BASICALLY ITS CEREAL THAT GETS YOU HIGH

Memelord: Josh its 3 am why are you thinking about this

Jesus: When cereal and weed love each other very much

Ryhoe: STOP

Jesus: okay but literally pot brownies- boring while pot cereal- EXPLOSION IN YOUR FACE

Tyho: don't say pot cereal it makes me think of the time I ate cereal out of a pot with a fork since we had no bowls or spoons

Ryhoe: HOW MUCH CEREAL DO YOU GUYS FUCKING EAT

Tyho: we go through like 2 a week

Ryhoe: 2 cereal a week

Tyho: hey shut up

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why


	39. Waffle crisp

Jesus: DALLON IS NOW MY BEST FRIEND

 

Tyho: excuse you

 

Jesus: DALLON IS NOW MY SECOND BEST FRIEND

 

Satan: I thought I was 

 

Jesus: like I said Dallon is now my second best friend

 

Satan: I’ve never felt so hurt I’m no one's best or second best friend

 

Ryro: yeah true 

 

Satan: why is Dallon now your second best friend 

 

Jesus: HE BOUGHT BE 3 BOXES OF WAFFLE CRISP 

 

Jesus: THREE

 

Satan: wait so if I buy you 4 will I be your second best friend

 

Jesus: make it 5 

 

Legs: wait Josh I thought I bought you 2 boxes 

 

Jesus: I lied 

 

Legs: I COULD’VE USED THAT MONEY FOR OTHER THINGS

 

Jesus: WAFFLE CRISP IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN SPEND MONEY ON

 

Ryro: Um guys Brendon is actually going to buy Josh waffle crisps 

  
Jesus: this is the best day of my life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 90% of the chapters are about cereal because 90% of my thoughts are about cereal
> 
> (also early update I'm proud of myself)


	40. no time for sarcasm only Mario kart

Jesus: I HAVE A PROPOSITION

Ryro: no

Jesus: hey why don't you shut up

Jesus: BRENDON DALLON GET UR ASSES ON THE CHAT

Satan: Sorry I don't talk to snakes

Legs: OH DANG

Jesus: I'm going to pretend like that didn't hurt me

Jesus: anyways since you both want to slit each other's throats I have an idea

Satan: I don't want to slit his throat

Jesus: but you told me

Satan: J o s h

Jesus: okay anyways Dallon u here

Legs: no actually I thought I'd go for a midnight stroll

Jesus: no time for sarcasm only time for Mario kart

Satan: oh no

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I say this everytime Dallon is in this but I actually love Dallon and I guess it seems like I hate him but literally I cried when I saw him at the panic! concert


	41. leg boy and forehead man

Jesus: DALLON VS BRENDON MARIO KART 12 AM MY DORM

Satan: and what does that have to with us strangling each other

Jesus: we'll get to that part

Jesus: anyways Dallon wins he gets to be friends with us

Satan: I am not fighting for friendship

Jesus: Brendon wins Dallon goes back to whatever he was doing before

Satan: yeah but can I strangle him

Jesus: Sure

Legs: NO

Satan: it must be done

Legs: it should not be done

Satan: yeah it shouldn't it must

Jesus: ARE YOU GUYS IN OR NOT

Satan: I'm down if leg boy is down

Legs: yeah sure forehead man

Ryro: OHHHHHHHHH SHIT


	42. if you can't handle the kink then get out of the kinkchen

Satan: I can't believe I lost to Michael Jordan

Legs: I TOTALLY BEAT YOUR ASS

Satan: kinky ;)

Legs: please no

Satan: If you can't handle the kink then get out of the kinkchen

Jesus: DAMNIT THAT COULD'VE BEEN MY SENIOR QUOTE

Legs: what was your senior quote?

Jesus: well they didn't let me do "no homo bro" or "Pete is a fuckboii" so it was "You'll never shine if you don't glow"

Asstrick: YOU QUOTED ALL STAR BY SMASH MOUTH

Jesus: YOU DONT KNOW MY LIFE STEP OFF FEDORA MAN

 


	43. never let any of them live alone

Ryro: Now that I'm adult I can fill my pocket with Mac and cheese and no one can tell me no

Satan: why would you do that

Satan: you can fill four pockets instead

Legs: Josh

Jesus: yo

Legs: never let Brendon or Ryan live alone

Satan: JOSH CARRIES A BAG OF CEREAL IN HIS BACKPACK DONT TRUST HIM

Jesus: I GET PECKISH IN CLASS

Legs: Tyler please you're the only one I have faith in

Tyho: You can't have cereal without milk Josh

Legs: PETE

Memelord: How can you eat cereal and milk without a spoon

Legs: PATRICK?

Asstrick: Are you just going to pour in it a bag and eat it like that or do you a have a bowl too

Legs: I was going to ask Jack or Alex but Jack is probably going to say something kinky and Alex will join in with him

Legs: GERARD

Gaylord: Yes

Legs: Don't let ANY of them live alone

Gaylord: Frank and I are in London bro no can do

Legs: Then come back

Gaylord: hell no

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's a Ryden fic I started writing because I got bored and idk if I should post it since I'm currently working on 2 (I'll update band camp okay) but basically Brendon is a babysitter and babysits Ryan's step sister and shit goes down but I'm not sure if anyone is interested so idk


	44. use a condom

Satan: I'm going to eat 10 Christmas ornaments

Memelord: I'm going to snort hot chocolate powder

Tyho: I'm going to watch Christmas movies till my eyes bleed

fucked ur mom: I'm going to literally turn into a pine tree

Milky: I'm going to celebrate Christmas normally tf

Jesus: get in the spirit Michael

Milky: what do want me to stick 10 candy canes up my butt

Jesus: 12

asstrick: why would you do that

Ryro: Patrick's right that would burn

Milky: I would use lube

asstrick: Gerard control your brother

Gaylord: use a condom too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if I will post the fic I was talking about before. I might be a bit busy because of school so idk.


	45. I gotta go my own way

Ryro: Sometimes I think is college really worth it why can't I just drop out and become a stripper

Satan: I mean that's a solid job

Memelord: I could see Jack or Alex becoming strippers

Daddy: if I becoming a stripper everyone else is

Daddy: we're all in this together

Jesus: I now have that song stuck in my head

Memelord: what song

Jesus: WERE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER FROM HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL

Memelord: I've literally never seen that movie

Jesus: WHO RAISED YOU

Satan: I have to "walk away"

Ryro: Pete watch the movie it can be "the start of something new"

Satan: I honestly want to "scream" right now

Ryro: you gotta do it "now or never"

Memelord: PATRICK HAVE YOU SEEN IT

asstrick: I "gotta go my own way"

Memelord: YOU ARE NOT BREAKING UP WITH ME OVER A DISNEY CHANNEL MUSICAL

 


	46. Satannah Montana

Christmas Tyler: what do u guys want for Christmas

Satan: TYLER'S GETTING US PRESENTS?

Christmas Tyler: my mom is buying us all presents because she assumes were all struggling college students

Santa: but we are

Christmas: WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT

Jesus: a will to live

Satan: don't we all

Santa: I want all four seasons of Hannah Montana on dvd

Christmas Tyler: Ryan no

Santa: Ryan yes

Memelord: Satannah Montana 

Memelord: I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS

Memelord: I THINK I MIGHT BE DYING

poinsettia: Pete go to sleep

Memelord: MAKE ME YOU POTTED PLANT

poinsetta: pls

Jesus: TYLER COME TO MY HOUSE

Satan: YOU GUYS LIVE TOGETHER WHEN YOU'RE NOT AT HOME

Jesus: but I haven't seen him in so long

Christmas Tyler: I literally just got home from your house

Jesus: yeah but I'm lonely

Christmas Tyler: you have cereal

Jesus: Cereal is my true love

Christmas Tyler: Are we getting a divorce

Jesus: I guess we are

Christmas Tyler: Wait no I don't want to

Jesus: I don't want to either

Dasher: Are guys even married

Jesus: no

Christmas Tyler: yes

 

 


	47. damnit michael

Garland: SOME DUDE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH HIS CAR

Satan: I JUST ALMOST HIT SOME GIRL WITH MY CAR

Garland: THAT WAS ME YOU PRICK

Satan: WHY THE HELL ARE YOU IN AMERICA

Garland: Um it's Christmas break and I like presents?

Frnk: I'm here too thanks for wondering

Jesus: WHEN DID YOU HECKERS GET HERE

Garland: like last week idk

Jesus: it would of been nice to know

Garland: I thought Mikey told u guys

Eggnog: oh yea lol I didn't do that

Jesus: damnit Michael

Eggnog: do u think I enjoy talking to u guys

Jesus: well you haven't left the nest yet

Eggnog: Did u just refer to the group chat as the nest

Jesus: Yes and I'm the papa bird

Santa: you're not the papa bird

Jesus: CACAAAW

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I go back to school tomorrow and I'm kind of scared but I gotta do it so yea


	48. I said cacaw

Santa: Tyler and Josh are you at my house?

Christmas Tyler: no

Santa: my mom texted me asking to pick up milk for you guys while I'm out

Jesus: your mother is a lovely women

Santa: GET OUT OF MY HOME

Christmas Tyler: BUT SHES MAKING US COOKIES

Santa: MY COOKIES

Jesus: are u at home right now?

Santa: IM AT THE GROCERY STORE

Jesus: EXACTLY YOU'RE NOT HOME SO I AM

Santa: ARE YOU TRYING TO STEAL MY MOTHER

Jesus: CACAW

Satan: Josh you have your own mother

Jesus: I SAID CACAW

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> school was alright, but my stomach hurts v bad rn and I might die


	49. "fuck minions"

Santa: there might be a minion toy up my ass

Christmas Tyler: add that to the list of texts is never thought I'd receive

Daddy Christmas: not again

Dasher: how in the actual fuck does that happen

Santa: I'm at a family party and there's a bunch of 5 year olds running around who are obsessed with minions

Jesus: thats my literal hell

Dasher: 5 year olds?

Jesus: minions

Satan: is no one going to ask how Ryan got said minion toy up his ass

Santa: Well I tripped over a minion and fell onto my butt on a minion and when I got up I couldn't find it

Garland: I think u would know if there's a minion toy up your butt

Santa: well it went up my butt that's for sure

Jesus: now we can't say "fuck minions" because Ryan will take it literal

Santa: this is cyberbullying 

 

 

 


	50. flavor town? more like pound town

Jesus: do u think if I stretched my ears large enough I could put a dick through them

 

poinsettia : do these thoughts come naturally? or are you just constantly on a drug trip

 

Jesus: I fell off the slide at a playground when I was 2

 

Satan: that honestly makes so much sense 

 

Memelord: who’s dick would you put through your ears?

 

Jesus: maybe my own, maybe guy fieri’s

 

Santa: I bet it’s huge

 

Satan: I bet he has a monster cock 

 

poinsettia: STOP TALKING ABOUT GUY FIERI’S PENIS 

 

Daddy Christmas: flavor town? No no take me to pound town daddy

 

Jesus: I can’t believe I had to read that with my own 2 eyes

 

poinsettia: Jack I will screenshot that and show it to your mother

 

Daddy Christmas: what’s wrong with pound town

 

poinsettia: don’t call it that

 

Daddy Christmas: I want to be rawed by Guy Fieri what’s wrong with that

 

poinsettia: STOP OH MY GOD PLEASE 

 

poinsettia: I AM A CHILD OF THE LORD I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE

 

Daddy Christmas: IM A CHILD OF THE LORD THAT WANTS TO BE FUCKED BY GUY FIERI 

 

poinsettia: I CAN’T DO THIS NO

 

poinsettia: I JUST NO

 

Satan: I think Jack broke Patrick

  
Jesus: this is like the fifth time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly so sorry I have no idea what this chapter was


	51. Ryan is salty

Satan: RYAN AND I WERE AT DINNER WITH HIS PARENTS AND HIS MOM SAID THESE FRIES ARE SALTY AND I SAID "YEA LIKE RYAN WHEN HE SEES DALLON" AND HIS MOM SAID "NO THATS HIM ALL THE TIME"

Dasher: I THOUGHT U SAID U LIKED ME NOW

Jesus: I LOVE RYAN'S MOM I WANT HER TO BE MY MOM

Santa: do u want to switch moms

Jesus: but my mom makes really good Mac and cheese

Satan: I made you Mac and cheese once

Jesus: wait you made that I thought your mom did

Satan: no I made it

Jesus: DUDE I THOUGHT YOUR MOM MADE IT AND I WAS TRYING TO BE NICE BUT THAT SHIT SUCKED

Satan: thanks Josh

Jesus: I gagged a bit eating it

Satan: my cooking isn't THAT bad

Santa: you burned your hand making a hot pocket

Santa: in the microwave


	52. Josh no

Jesus: THERES CHILDREN SURROUNDING ME

Jesus: TYLER IM DROWNING IN SMALL HUMANS

Christmas Tyler: talk to them

Jesus: I SAID HI AND THE ONE HISSED AT ME

Satan: HAHAHAHAH

Christmas Tyler: I SAW THAT

Christmas Tyler: I DONT EVEN THINK HES IN MY FAMILY

Jesus: WHY DO I HAVE TO SIT AT THE KIDS TABLE AND YOU GET TO SIT AT THE BIG PEOPLE TABLE

Christmas Tyler: I'm special

Jesus: ur an ass

Jesus: A KID SAW MY PHONE AND ASKED WHAT AN ASS IS

Satan: WHAT DID U SAY

Jesus: I PANICKED AND SAID DONKEY AND HE SAID HE WOULD TELL ALL IS FRIENDS WHAT HAVE I DONE

Christmas Tyler: THE KID CAME UP TO ME AND SAID "YOUR BOYFRIEND TOLD US ASS MEANS DONKEY IS THAT TRUE"

Jesus: little snitch

Santa: Josh you're going to make a terrible father

Christmas Tyler: why are the children asking me what weed is

Santa: JOSH NO 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might take a little break soon (probably for like a couple of days) also Ryan is fucking 30 tomorrow h o w


	53. Sonic Away

Satan: PDA PDA PDA PDA PD A PDA PD FUCKING A 

 

Memelord: what are Josh and Tyler doing this time 

 

Daddy Christmas: ALEX WE STOPPED BEING THE MAIN COUPLE OF THE GROUP

 

Artificial tree: NOO 

 

Daddy Christmas: NOO

 

Artificial tree: WE SHALL TAKE BACK THE THRONE 

 

poinsettia: I gave up on them a while ago

 

Satan: I’m gonna ignore them

 

Satan: BUT LIKE JOSH INVITED ME TO HIS HOUSE AND TYLER IS THERE BECAUSE WHEN ISN'T HE

 

Christmas Tyler: don’t expose me

 

Satan: AND WE'RE HAVING A CHRISTMAS MOVIE DRINKING GAME AND THEY’RE CUDDLING ON THE COUCH AND I’M HERE CUDDLING MY ALCOHOL 

 

Memelord: where’s ryan

 

Santa: I’m at my house?

 

Satan: I’ll be right there

 

Santa: the door's locked

 

Satan: oh I have a spare key your mom gave it to me

 

Satan: SONIC AWAY 

 

Jesus: that bitch ran out of my house

 

Daddy Christmas: so Josh when are you gonna propose to Tyler

 

Jesus: I’M NOT PROPOSING 

 

Daddy Christmas: I think Josh and Tyler are already secretly married and they’re hiding it from us

 

Jesus: no

 

Christmas Tyler: yea 

 

Jesus: we’ve been “married” and “divorced” like four times now

 

Christmas Tyler: do u wanna get “married” again?

 

Jesus: 

  
Jesus: yea sure 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ryan is 30 now what how why who let this happen


	54. where the strippers @

Jesus: I accidentally got lost

 

Christmas Tyler: where

 

Jesus: I could be in Nevada 

 

Jesus: where the strippers @

 

Satan: JOSHUA NO 

 

Jesus: JOSHUA YES

 

Santa: how the fuck did you get there

 

Jesus: I WAS JUST TRYING TO FIND PRESENTS AND MY GPS DIED AND I GOT A MAP AND I DON’T KNOW

 

poinsettia: Josh

 

Jesus: yes

 

Poinsettia: you do realize you can you use your phone for directions and it tells you where you are

 

Jesus: you do realize you can shut up 

 

Jesus: I’m in San Diego 

 

Christmas Tyler: please come back

 

Jesus: I will try

 

Jesus: Tyler

 

Christmas Tyler: Josh

 

Jesus: I’m low on gas

 

Christmas Tyler: FIND A DANG GAS STATION THEN BOI 

 

Satan: Tyler are u alright

 

Christmas Tyler: no

 

Santa: yea he hasn’t seen Josh in a couple of hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my life is fall apart but i'm doing just fine


	55. don't drink the eggnog

Santa: I am a pizza roll

Santa: beautiful on the outside full of pizza on the inside

Jesus: that's debatable

Santa: I probably bleed cheese

Jesus: oh I was talking about the beautiful part the pizza part is 100% true

Santa: u've obviously blind bitch I'm flawless

Memelord: "u've obviously blind bitch"

Santa: the up fuck shut

Memelord: I will the up fuck shut

Christmas Tyler: is Ryan okay

Santa: DONT DRINK THE EGGNOG

Jesus: probably not

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are you guys still enjoying this even?


	56. jOSH NO

Jesus: my mom gave me a tortilla chip and said Merry Christmas Eve

Santa: my mom gave me a pancake

Jesus: you're trying to one up me over a damn tortilla chip

Santa: I will fight to the death

Jesus: ITS A CHIP

Santa: YOURE A CHIP

Jesus: I AM A GROWN MAN

poinsettia: Tyler Brendon stop them

Christmas Tyler: nah

Satan: nah

Santa: TURN ON YOUR LOCATIONS I WILL FIGHT YOU

Jesus: IM IN MY ROOM NAKED PLEASE DO NOT COME TO MY HOUSE

Satan: JOSH NO ONE NEEDS TO KNOW YOURE NAKED

Jesus: WELL IF HES GONNA COME TO MY HOUSE TO FIGHT HE NEEDS TO KNOW MY DICK IS OUT

Satan: jOSH STOP

Jesus: he started it

Satan: Tyler how do you love him

Christmas Tyler: how do you love Ryan

Satan:

Satan: shit u right

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Spencer birthday holy heck (also maybe something big coming up next chapter ;)) maybe between two characters ;)) )


	57. suck it nerds

Christmas Tyler: I DONT HAVE TO LIVE IN A DORM ANYMORE

Satan: You dropped out?

Christmas Tyler: JOSH BOUGHT US AN APARTMENT

Santa: WITH WHAT MONEY THE BOY STILL STEALS MY RAMEN

Jesus: MY PARENTS BOUGHT IT AND TYLER AND I OUR GETTING A JOB

Santa: OKAY TYLER I CAN SEE BUT JOSH? A JOB? R U SURE

Jesus: IM WORKING AT THE COFFEE SHOP

Satan: Josh ur gonna drink all the coffee

Jesus: I'm gonna try my best

Memelord: who would've thought Tyler and Josh would be the second ones to get an apartment

Satan: I thought they would be the first then Gerard dropped the London bomb

Gaylord: BRENDON NO THAT SOUNDS BAD

Gaylord: ALSO IM THE ALPHA I GOT MY OWN APARTMENT FIRST SUCK IT NERDS

Frnk: I guess I'm just a lamp then

Santa: Patrick and Pete will probably be the next

poinsettia: Pete better start working on it then smh

Daddy Christmas: ALEX WE MUST BUY A TWO STORY HOUSE AND NOT LET TYLER AND JOSH WIN

Artificial Tree: IM ALREADY FILLING OUT APPLICATIONS FOR JOBS

Daddy Christmas: WE MUST BE THE CUTER COUPLE

Artificial Tree: IM BUYING OUR ENGAGEMENT RINGS

Daddy Christmas: ILL GET A TUX

Santa: everyone just ignore them

Santa: Josh u know what they say

Jesus: what

Santa: moving in together is a step closer to marriage

Santa: Josh just called me and sighed then hung up 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something bigger was going to happen but I decided that it should wait for a later chapter but until then ;)


	58. Keeping up with the Joseph-Duns

Tyho: Day one of living alone together and we almost burned down our apartment

Legs: I TOLD YOU GUYS NOT TO LIVE ALONE DAMNIT

Ryro: HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO DO THAT

Tyho: well we wanted tator tots

Ryro: ITS 3 AM

Tyho: WE WANTED TATOR TOTS

Ryro: Josh what did u do

Jesus: WE WERE WATCHING THE X FILES AND TYLER STARTED COOKING THE TATOR TOTS AND HE TOLD ME TO REMIND HIM TO GET THEM AND THIS LITTLE SHIT FELL ASLEEP AND I SMELLED BURNING AND THE FIRE ALARM STARTED GOING OFF

Satan: "little shit" Ryan why don't you call me things like this

Ryro: I give u nicknames all the time

Satan: PREHEATED OVEN IS NOT A NICKNAME

Memelord: okay but honestly Tyler and Josh need a reality tv show

Satan: it would just be them eating cereal and doing stupid shit

Memelord: you're telling me you wouldn't watch that

Satan: don't expose me

Ryro: KEEPING UP WITH THE JOSPEH DUNS

Jesus: that sounds like we're married

Ryro: but you are

Jesus: Tyler and Josh Joseph Dun

Satan: FUCK THEYRE ALREADY PLANNING THEIR LAST NAMES JUST GET MARRIED YOU TOES

Ryro: If Tyler and Josh don't get married soon I'm suing

Jesus: I'll get my lawyer

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has just turned into Joshler trash woops


	59. Dallon shup ut

Jesus: how do you grocery shop

Satan: Fucking hell Josh

Jesus: MY MOM WONT PICK UP HER PHONE

Legs: SEE I TOLD YOU ALL DONT LET THEM LIVE ALONE

Satan: DALLON SHUP UT

Patty Wack that ass: u get the food u need and pay

Patty Wack that ass: WHY DOES MY NAME ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS

Jesus: do you think I can just survive on cereal

Patty Wack that ass: Josh no get healthy food

Jesus: but cereal is healthy

Patty Wack that ass: say that to ur stack of lucky charms

Patty Wack that ass: where is Tyler

Jesus: HE LET ME GO TO THE STORE ALONE

Patty Wack that ass: Tyler u really trust Josh alone

Tyho: no I just wanted to see how long it took him before he cracked

Jesus: WHAT THE FUCK WHY

Tyho: I shrugged but u couldn't see it

Jesus: can u please come help me

Tyho: I'll text u a list

Jesus: Tyler no

Tyho: Jsoh yes

Jesus: Tlyer

Tyho: Jsoh

Jesus: text me the list u anaconda

Tyho: that sounds kinky

Legs: I'm calling the police

Satan: I already did

Jesus: ;)

Legs: JOSH STOP

 

 

 


	60. you are but a grain of sand

Tyho: JACK WERE U IN THE LOBBY OF MY APARTMENT

Daddy: I don't know what the fuck ur talking about

Asskarth: we live here now

Jesus: NO NO NO

Tyho: what apartment number

Daddy: 7

Jesus: TYLER NO

Tyho: JOSH NO

Daddy: WHAT NUMBER ARE YOU GUYS

Jesus: DONT TELL HIM

Satan: THEYRE IN 8

Jesus: WHAT THE HELL BRENDON

Satan: u've all abandoned me and Ryan

Asskarth: oh we have an extra room

Ryro: I AM NOT MOVING TWICE

Satan: I'll pay rent

Ryro: let me go pack my bags

Tyho: NOAH FENCE BUT WE MOVED TO GET AWAY FROM U GUYS

Satan: "Noah Fence" I literally hate u so much

Tyho: you are but a grain of sand in the sands of time

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apparently now it's jsohlyer also 10K HITS HOLY HECK


	61. it's Wednesday my dudes

Tyho: MY DUDES

Satan: its Wednesday my dudes

Ryro: it is a Tuesday

Tyho: I HEAR BANGING ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL

Jesus: THE WALL BEHIND THE TV?

Tyho: YES

Jesus: Tyler that's the wall that is next to Jack and Alex's apartment

Tyho: I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS GETTING MURDERED BUT NOW I KNOW

Satan: I THOUGHT THE WALLS WERE SOUNDPROOF

Jesus: THEY ARE

Tyho: I cannot believe I have to hear this with my own 2 ears

Ryro: DUDE CALL THE COPS ON THEM

Tyho: I ain't a snitch

Ryro: NO IT WILL BE FUNNY

Jesus: Aren't u moving in with them?

Ryro: YEA BUT I CAN ALWAYS COME AND STAY WITH U GUYS

Tyho: HAHAHAHAHAHAHH NO HAHAHAHAH

Ryro: then pretend to be the police

Tyho: will I get paid

Ryro: no

Tyho: no

Asskarth: DONT THINK WE DONT KNOW WHAT HAPPENS BEHIND OUR WALLS

Daddy: TYLER DID YOU JUST SCREAM

Tyho: YES


	62. get a job

Jesus: DAMN U DIDNT NEED TO SCREAM

Daddy: U BROKE INTO MY APARTMENT AND PULLED BACK MY SHOWER CURTAIN TO ASK IF I HAD MILK

Jesus: HOW ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO ASK YOU

Daddy: TEXT ME YOU EGG

Jesus: U WOULDN'T HAVE RESPONDED YOU WERE IN THE SHOWER

Satan: I mean Josh serves a valid point

Daddy: BRENDON YOU WERE HOME YOU COULD HAVE GAVE HIM THE MILK

Satan: I was in my ms

Daddy: what the fuck is your ms

Ryro: HIS FUCKING MASTURBATION STATION

Daddy: get out of my house

Satan: don't pretend like I didn't see that stain on the couch

Daddy: THAT WAS RANCH DRESSING ALEX SPILLED DUMBASS

Satan: that's what they all say

Daddy: I swear to god Brendon

Daddy: GET A JOB

Satan: but that means working

Daddy: just pay rent

Gaylord: glad I don't have to deal with this

Ryro: we should take a family vacation to Gerard's apartment

Gaylord: first family? second hahahahnohahaha

Ryro: we're a fucking family kiddo  

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to balance out like 5 different things rn and I'm slowly falling apart but I'm doing alright


	63. Dicks out for Josh Dun

Jesus: I GOT INTO THE SHOWER WITH MY SOCKS ON BY ACCIDENT

Jesus: ITS LIKE STEPPING IN WATER WITH SOCKS BUT A BILLION TIMES WORSE

Satan: dicks out for Josh Dun

Jesus: no

Ryro: DICKS OUT FOR JOSH DUN

Jesus: STOP

Daddy: DICKS OUT FOR JOSH DUN

Jesus: STOP YOU HEATHENS

Asskarth: DICKS OUT FOR JOSH DUN

Memelord: DICKS OUT FOR JOSH DUN

Patty Wack dat ass: Richards out for Joshua Dun

Jesus: EVEN PATRICK WHAT THE HELL

Satan: I GOT MY DICK OUT FOR JOSH

Jesus: If you send a picture I'm calling the police

Satan: I wasn't thinking of that before but maybe I should

Jesus: DONT

Tyho: genitals out for Josh Dun

Jesus: Tyler you can sleep on the couch tonight

Satan: OH SHIT

Tyho: WAIT NO I TAKE IT BACK

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought of "dicks out for Josh Dun" in math class and now we are here. I'm not sure if I should apologize or..


	64. Our life is a bad sitcom

Satan: what r we doing for New Years

Jesus: when is it

Satan: today dumbass

Jesus: SHIT

Daddy: I guess we can all come over to our apartment

Tyho: I don't know it's kind of far away

Daddy: yeah man it's okay if you're a bit late

Tyho: there's traffic so I might be more that a bit late

Milky: wait don't you guys live right next to each other?

Memelord: MICHAEL

Milky: no

Tyho: Josh and I have an apartment and Jack and Alex decided to get the one next to us and Ryan and Brendon moved in with them and Pete and Patrick still live in dorms

Patty Wack: WERE WORKING ON IT ALRIGHT

Milky: that sounds like a bad sitcom

Satan: our life is bad sitcom

Ryro: yeah we just need someone to get married then boom

Memelord: *cough* Tyler and Josh *cough*

Jesus: NO

Satan: YOU COULD PROPOSE AT MIDNIGHT

Jesus: WHY DONT YOU AND RYAN GET MARRIED HUH

Satan: Shut ur face

Milky: WAIT THEYRE NOT MARRIED YET

Memelord: "Yet"

Milky: A TEACHER ASKED HOW YOU GUYS WERE AND I TOLD HIM YOU WERE MARRIED SHITZA

Jesus: 1. WHY WOULD YOU 2. WTF DOES SHITZA MEAN

Milky: 1. BC I GENUINELY THOUGHT U WERE AND I WASN'T INVITED TO THE WEDDING 2. IDK PROBABLY SOMETHING BAD IN ANOTHER LANGUAGE

Jesus: 1. YOU CAN COME TO THE WEDDING 2. WE SHOULD PROBABLY GOOGLE IT

Satan: THAT SOUNDS LIKE JOSH IS GONNA PROPOSE

Jesus: NO

Satan: ;)

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big chapter tomorrow woop also it's Mikey's birthday woop and I heard a rumor tøp's cancer cover is coming out today woop


	65. oh how the tables have turned

* * *

Daddy: OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED

Satan: SHIT I MADE A BET TOO

Legs: I GET $10

Ryro: I ALWAYS THOUGHT TYLER AND JOSH WOULD GET ENGAGED FIRST I CANNOT BELIEVE

Jesus: I even knew he was gonna propose kiddos

Memelord: Josh u need to step up your game

Jesus: It will be better than Jack and Alex's

Tyho: AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD ALEX WHISPER NO HOMO BEFORE SAYING YES

Asskarth: gotta keep his ass in check

Daddy: wait u whispered no homo

Asskarth: yes

Daddy: shit

Daddy: I did too

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BET YOU WERENT EXPECTING THAT  
> (or maybe you were idk)


	66. sit back down there bucko

Jesus: SO AT THE COFFEE SHOP THERES ANOTHER WORKER NAMED JOSH AND HE ASKED WHO I WAS AND I SAID IM YOU BUT STRONGER AND IVE NEVER SEEN A BOY SO CONFUSED

Satan: JOSH NO

Jesus: AND HE WAS LIKE "NO DUDE SERIOUSLY WHATS YOUR NAME" AND I SAID "ITS YOURS" AND THIS DUMBASS THOUGHT MY NAME WAS YOURS

Tyho: did u tell him that ur name was actually Josh

Jesus: I felt bad for him so yes

Jesus: I do think I lost a bit of brain cells talking to him

Ryro: those were already gone sweaty

Jesus: that IS disgusting

Daddy: Josh now that u have a job can u buy me a vacuum

Jesus: no wtf buy your own

Daddy: I need to save this money

Asstrick: Jack how's being somewhat an adult

Daddy: iTS HARD AND I HAVE TO DEAL WITH STUDENT LOANS AND I CANT EVEN AFFORD A VACUUM

Daddy: u know what I only have a year and a left I can do this

Satan: wait what

Daddy: I'm only doing college for 2 years

Satan: SHIT IM IN THIS FOR FOUR YEARS

Satan: IM JUST GONNA DROPOUT AFTER TWO YEARS

Ryro: haha no ur not sit back down there bucko

Satan: but Ryan 

Ryro: SIT BACK DOWN THERE BUCKO

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao I know nothing about college


	67. Ratfriends

Satan: first day back after break and Josh tries to fight a vending machine

TyHo: Josh wyd

Jesus: I JUST WANTED PRETZELS

Satan: WHY WERE YOU YELLING "WHATS UP" AT IT

Jesus: these are false accusations

Satan: I have a video of you

Tyho: SEND IT

Jesus: DONT

Tyho: DO IT

Jesus: NOT

Tyho: YES

Jesus: NO

Tyho: YE

Jesus: N

Tyho: Y

Jesus:

Tyho:

Ryro: Brendon love me like this

Satan: ur a rat

Ryro: I mean u are too so 

Memelord: ur both rats shut up

Ryro: ratfriends 

 


	68. Ryan is a stripper

Ryro: YOUR BOY GOT A JOB

Jesus: JESUS CHRIST RYAN IS A STRIPPER

Memelord: man Jesus saying Jesus Christ really tripped me out man

Asstrick: everything trips you out I made French toast and you had to lay down for 5 minutes

Ryro: I WALK DOGS AND THE ONE MAY HAVE ALMOST KILLED ME

Jesus: but u could make more money being a stripper

Ryro: u can be a stripper then

Jesus: wait

Tyho: Are we all just ignoring how a dog almost killed Ryan

Satan: lol yeah

Ryro: He was trying TO HUMP ANOTHER DOG AND I WAS LIKE CAT NO UR NOT GOING TO BE A FATHER TODAY SON

Jesus: THE DOGS NAME IS CAT

Ryro: good dog unfortunate name

Tyho: WAIT YOU ALMOST DIED BECAUSE A DOG TRIED TO HUMP ANOTHER

Ryro: YES IT WAS SCARY 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's your opinions on the cancer tøp cover?  
> Honestly it has me shook but I'm also like :/


	69. darude sandstorm

Satan: IM SINGING FOR TIPS AND THIS OLD WOMEN ASKED IF I COULD SING NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP

Satan: IT WAS THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE

Ryro: Brendon I'm going to come to your work and make you sing darude sandstorm

Jesus: it's time to stop

Satan: I swear to fuck Ryan 

Ryro: I'm sorry for that too

Tyho: Can u also do kazoo covers Brendon

Satan: it depends on the song and the money

Tyho: my heart will go on

Satan: that can be arranged

Jesus: why does Brendon sound like a stripper now too

Memelord: FIRST RYAN AND BRENDON WERE DRAG QUEENS AND NOW STRIPPERS RELATIONSHIP GOALS

Asstrick: if you want to be a hoe be a hoe I won't stop you on your dreams

Memelord: but I'm your hoe

Asstrick: sTOP IT 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *finger guns* 69


	70. mayonnaise and buff mayonnaise

Satan: these kids were talking about Tyler and Josh and the one kid didn't know their names and called them mayonnaise and buff mayonnaise

Jesus: i think i should be offended but i'm not

Tyho: MAYONNAISE

Jesus: but what shit were they talking

Satan: they were guessing who would get married first out of everyone

Asskarth: WELL THEY WERE WRONG HA

Satan: I told them u guys were engaged and this one guy fell and got kicked out

Asskarth: who?

Satan: i think his name was like Zack or something

Asskarth: WERE FRIENDS HOW DOES HE NOT KNOW

Mel: WOAH WHOS ENGAGED

Satan: Jack and Alex where have you been

Mel: on the other side of the country boi

Satan: well they're finances

daddy: FINANCES I DONT EVEN WANT TO CORRECT HIM OMG

Satan: wait was that not correct

Ryro: fiancés Brendon

Satan: what did i say

Ryro: finances Brendon

Satan: SHIT

Satan: I MEANT FIANCÉS 

Satan: THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD PLANNED 

Daddy: Brendon give up 

Satan: NO !!

Ryro: you know he angry when he use two exclamation points 

Satan: SHUT YOUR YUP !!

Finances: !!

Satan: NO STOP IT WAS A MISTAKE 


	71. zucchini

Ryro: Josh or Tyler can i borrow your microwave

Jesus: zucchini

Ryro: thanks josh

Daddy: you can't spell zucchini without zucc

Jesus: SHIT SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED BC A KID PULLED A ZUCCHINI OUT OF HIS BAG AND TOOK A BITE OUT OF IT

Tyho: why do u have to use our microwave

Ryro: because ours is broken

Tyho: how

Ryro: Brandon Urie

Satan: DONT WRITE IT AS BRANDON I SWEAR TO FUCK

Satan: also don't put the blame on me tf it was u too

Tyho: get ur panties out of a twist and tell me what happened

Ryro: Brendon's dumbass put weed in there to see if it would get us high

Satan: YOU DIDNT STOP ME OR TELL ME IT WAS A BAD IDEA

Ryro: BRENDON I TOLD YOU 10 TIMES TO NOT DO IT AND ALL U SAID WAS "WHAT IF I DO IT ANYWAYS" 

 


	72. my longest yeah boy ever

Ryro: PATRICK DID U FUCKING BLOCK ME

Asstrick: it was for the best son

Ryro: Im not ur son

Tyho: why do they sound like a step son and step dad

Jesus: SHITE

Satan: Ryan why were u blocked tho

Asstrick: HE KEPT TURNING ME INTO MEMES

Satan: ON HIS MEME ACCOUNT

Asstrick: HE HAS LIKE 5000 FOLLOWERS AND NOW THEY WONT STOP TRYING TO FOLLOW ME

Ryro: He didn't like my memes

Satan: it's okay i like them

Ryro: My longest yeah boy ever

Asstrick: I hate Ryan's memes

Ryro: My shortest yeah boy ever

 


	73. home of sexuals

Ryro: I have decided that if any one of you ever pisses me off I will steal one sock from every pair so then you can never wear matching socks

 

Asstrick: IT IS 2 AM RYAN SHUT UP !!

 

Ryro: U TRYING TO PISS ME OFF PATTY WACK

 

Asstrick: I’M TRYING TO SLEEP 

 

Ryro: I WILL STEAL YOUR SOCKS

 

Asstrick: DON’T YOU DARE COME NEAR MY SOCKS 

 

Milky: What’s up my home of sexuals 

 

Milky: shit there's a fight 

 

Milky: Goodbye my home of sexuals

 

Daddy: "home of sexuals" u mean my apartment 

 

Satan: DIGUSTNING but true

 

Milky: Also Ryan if someone is really pissing u off cut the toes off their socks 

 

Gayrard: YOU DID THAT TO ME BECAUSE I ATE YOUR COCO PUFFS 

 

Milky: My point exactly 

 

Asstrick: STOP ENCOURAGING HIM 

 

Ryro: Patrick u better hide your socks

 

Asstrick: Why do I associate with you guys honestly 

 

Satan: Because u have no other friends

  
Asstrick: “friends” is a strong word 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mikey is me in any situation


	74. i can suck my own dick, thanks

Milky: i hate valentine's day

Satan: great

Milky: the last time i was in a relationship on valentine's day was when I WAS 8

Gayrard: hey what happened to the "Brazilian model" you were dating

Milky: hey what happened to you shutting up

Legs: I have no one too we could be lonely together

Milky: no

Legs: it was worth a shot

Frnk: you know Dallon and Mikey could be a good match

Gayrard: itS TIME TO STOP

Milky: get away from me

Legs: I'm good in my lane boi

Frnk: but like u both are tall like noodles u both play bass like bassists

Legs: is that it?

Frnk: yeh lol

Mikey: I can suck my own dick thanks

Satan: how in the hell

Frnk: I told you he's a noodle he can probably lean over and his dick will be in his face

Mikey: I failed gym 11 years in a row going on 12 i'm not good at physical activities 

Gayrard: you said you got all a's?

Mikey: I lied

Satan: damn Gerard is just exposing Mikey left and right 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Sorry I didn't update something really bad happened to me and i'm not going to get into it but I didn't feel up to updating and i'm sorry  
> 2\. IM NOT SHIPPING DALLON AND MIKEY OKAY  
> 3\. wth is going on with panic! I heard it's a music video for la devote but idk


	75. Windy

Legs: YO YOUR BOY FOUND A GIRL

Satan: i thought you are a gay tho

Legs: i am a bisexual

Satan: When did this happen

Jesus: I call his "girlfriend" is fake

"Legs" added "Windy" to the chat

Legs: SURPRISE BITCH

Windy: Dallon what the hecking did u do

Jesus: YO IS DALLON KEEPING YOU CAPTIVE BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP FORM A HEART WITH YOUR HANDS IF YOU NEED HELPPPP

Windy: he is not keeping me captive

Ryro: Is he paying u to say this

Windy: I wish I'm broke lol

Satan: who are you

Windy: who are you

Satan: Brendon

Windy: Breezy

Daddy: I SMELL NEW MEAT

Satan: R u sure it's not just Alex's old one

Asskarth: sHIT WHAT DID MY DICK DO TO YOU

Windy: i feel like i should be scared by this but i'm oddly not

Daddy: you can stay then

Windy: do i want to though

Legs: yes

Windy: do i really

Legs:

Legs: yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> breezy and dallon are my parents bye
> 
> Also I might be going to one of the shows on the doab tour and I AM CRYING


	76. tyler dick sucking joseph

Tyho: HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN JOSH'S KNEES

Tyho: THEY SO NICE

Satan: why are you looking at Josh's knees

Ryro: TYLER WAS SUCKING THAT DICK

Tyho: OR HE COULD JUST HAVE HIS LEGS ON MINE AND I LOOKED AT HIS KNEES STOP MAKING EVERYTHING SEXUAL YOU BABOONS

Asskarth: FREEDOM OF SPEECH BITCH

Tyho: I WAS NOT SUCKING JOSHS DICK

Satan: Josh can you prove this claim

Jesus: I'm not saying anything

Tyho: CAN WE GET OFF THIS TOPIC ITS STUPID

Satan: THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE WHO JUST SUCKED DICK WOULD SAY

Tyho: BRENDON BOYD URIE

Satan: TYLER DICK SUCKING JOSEPH

Tyho: BRENDON STOP 

Satan: WHEN WILL YOU STOP BEING A HOE

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why did i write this honestly


	77. pumpkin spice up your life

Ryro: Patrick

Asstrick: no

Ryro: i'm hoping you meant yo but listen

Asstrick: I meant no but okay

Ryro: What if in the fall time you change your name to "stumpkin spice latte"

Asstrick: IT ! IS ! FEBRUARY !!

Ryro: never early to pumpkin spice up your life

Satan: man even I hate you for that

Ryro: guys come on it's funny

Satan: :/

Ryro: for the sake of comedy 

Satan: ://

Ryro: please laugh

Satan: :///

Ryro: I just want to be liked

Satan: :////

Ryro: I heard you blow a little more air than usual out of your nose as a form of laughing

Satan: I was breathing hard because i'm so done with ur shit

Ryro: ily

Satan: u alright

 


	78. Lightning McQueen

Satan: I told Ryan we couldn't get a dog and he got a house plant and named it dog instead I am done with this boy

Daddy: WAIT RYAN WANTED A DOG? WE CAN GET ONE

Asskarth: we cannot get a dog

Daddy: GET IN THE CAR WE ARE GETTING A DOG

Satan: WE DONT EVEN HAVE A MICROWAVE THAT WORKS WE CANT GET A DOG

Daddy: Ryan and I can share the dog

Ryro: CAN WE

Satan: Ryan tell them what you wanted to name the dog

Ryro: Lightning

Satan: the full name Ryan

Ryro: Lightning McQueen

Jesus: that is fucking beautiful

Asskarth: nO

Satan: STOP ENCOURAGING HIM I SWEAR

Ryro: Lightning McQueen wouldn't treat me like this 

Asskarth: OUR APARTMENT DOESNT EVEN ALLOW CATS OR DOGS

Ryro: THEN CAN WE GET A FISH

Satan: no

Ryro: PLEASE I WILL TAKE CARE OF IT AND PROVE IM RESPONSIBLE

Satan: can u hear me sighing? BECAUSE I AM

Ryro: I AINT HEARING A NO

Ryro: WE GETTIN A FISH BOIIS 


	79. pepe the fish

Ryro: I am now a father

Satan: you've paid more attention to your fish than me

Ryro: yes

Tyho: WHATS THE FISHES NAME

Ryro: Pepe

Memelord: that is beautiful

Tyho: did u really

Satan: YES HE DID

Ryro: WHY DO YOU HATE PEPE SO MUCH

Satan: IDK MAYBE BECAUSE A FISH IS STEALING MY BOYFRIEND

Ryro: HES NOT STEALING ME I AM HIS FATHER

Ryro: THIS IS NOT THE BEE MOVE IM NOT GOING TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MY FISH

Satan: IS PETE GOING TO PAY RENT

Satan: PEPE*

Memelord: I DONT EVEN LIVE THERE AND YOURE MAKING ME PAY RENT DAMN

Satan: Yea u better start pulling ur weight around here Pete

Memelord: please no I am struggling enough

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SEEING PANIC! AGAIN NEXT YEAR IM GONNA CRY


	80. sexing

Jesus: I HEARD "DADDY"  
AND BANGS WHO IS FUCKING

Satan: *looks into the camera like on the office* 

Jesus: WAIT IS IT NOT YOU

Satan: JACK AND ALEX ARE CONSTANTLY SEXING WHAT DO YOU THINK

Jesus: "sexing" 

Ryro: I'm chilling with Pepe I ain't getting no dick

Satan: I MEAN YOU COULD IF YOU WERENT WITH YOUR FISH EVERY SECOND

Jesus: when ur fish is a major cock block

Tyho: Josh don't buy a fish pls

Satan: SHIT

Memelord: TYLER ROBERT

Tyho: I LIKE DICK AS MUCH AS THE NEXT GAY GET OVER IT

Satan: who are you and what have you done with Tyler

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay literally I had no idea what to write for this chapter and i'm getting loads of writers block and i feel like it's just turning to shit sorry


	81. you have lost your josh privilege

Jesus: DID ONE OF YOU GUYS HIT MY CAR THEN LEAVE ME A NOTE

Satan: how do you know it was one of us

Jesus: WHO ELSE WOULD CALL ME JOSHUA THEN SIGN IT AS SHREK

Satan: I don't know what the hell you're talking about

Ryro: IT WAS BRENDON I WASNT SUPPOSED TO TELL BUT I AM GOING TO ANYAYS

Satan: RYAN

Ryro: I AM SORRY IM A WEAKLING

Satan: IM SORRY JOSH

Jesus: ITS OKAY I JUST FOUND THE NOTE FUNNY

Ryro: IM SORRY IM BAD AT KEEPING SECRETS BRENDON YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS

Ryro: LIKE THAT TIME WE WERE ALL SLEEPING OVER AT JOSHS HOUSE AND YOU ACCIDENTALLY PEED IN HIS BED BECAUSE I TOLD YOU A FUNNY JOKE AND YOU DECIDED TO BLAME IT ON HIS CAT

Satan: RYAN NO

Jesus: NOW IM MAD

Jesus: WHAT THE HELL BRENDON

Satan: I AM SORRY JOSH

Jesus: no u have lost ur Josh privilege it's Joshua Dun to u

Satan: JOSH NO

Jesus: Joshua Dun*

Satan: PLEASE

Jesus: I'm sorry who are you?

Satan: ryan u a lil snitch

Ryro: u still love me

Satan: true but shut the fuck up

Ryro: love u too

Satan: shut up

Ryro: say u love me back

Satan: tbh- I see u around school sometimes u chill

Ryro: you did not just do that

Satan: oh I did it

Ryro: fine I take back my love u

Satan: love u too

Ryro: love u

Satan: lol jk

Ryro: I SWEAR TO FUCK BRENDON

Daddy: gayyy

Ryro: jack look in a mirror

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Oh yea and if you ever need to address me or something you can call me Cam or Kal so yea)


	82. the british are coming

Frnk: THE BRITISH ARE COMING THE BRITISH ARE COMING 

 

Legs: actually Paul Revere said either “the redcoats are coming” or “the soldiers are coming” we aren’t entirely sure  

 

Frnk: 1-800- did I ask 

 

Satan: DALLON SHUT UP WITH YOUR SMART STUFF

 

Ryro: YO DALLON’S GF

 

Windy: yO

 

Ryro: WHY DO YOU LIKE HIM

 

Satan: for the Little D

 

Ryro: BRENDON 

 

Windy: I honestly don’t know 

 

Jesus: I’m so confused about what frank is saying

 

Frnk: me and Gee are coming back to the US bOIS AND OTHERS

 

Jesus: ur not british but okay

 

Frnk: close enough

 

Milky: NO NO  NO  NOO GET OUT OF MY HOUSE I ENJOY BEING AN ONLY CHILD

 

Gayrard: we are going to live in Frank’s house calm down Michael 

 

Satan: Gee 

 

Gayrard: whAT

 

Satan: why r u coming home

 

Gayrard: Art school just wasn’t for me man I dropped out

 

Ryro: U OWE ME 5 BUCKS JOSH

 

Jesus: SHIT GERARD GO BACK GO BACKK

 

Gayrard: WHY?

 

Ryro: JOSH AND I MADE A BET THAT BRENDON WOULD DROP OUT FIRST AND IF HE DIDN’T AND SOMEONE ELSE DID JOSH OWES ME FIVE BUCKS

 

Satan: YOU GUYS MADE A BET ON ME DROPPING OUT OF COLLEGE?

  
Ryro: who said that lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's the dealio (i want to die) - I think I will stop this fic after 100 chapters BUT there is some new fics in the works so idk but if I do decide not to stop after 100 chapter the rest of the updates will probably not be everyday and more like every other to 2 days (because I get really bad writers block) ((but I might go with the first option))


	83. I would paint him like one of my French girls

Jesus: guys there is A REALLY HOT DUDEINMYROKM

Satan: me too

Jesus: HE IS A HOT THANG

Ryro: is he talking about tyler or did we catch this boy cheating

Tyho: he's talking about me he's looped up from the drugs from his wisdom teeth surgery

Jesus: ID LIKE A PIECE OF THAT SEXY ASS

Satan: again me

Daddy: I enjoy this side of Josh it's entertaining

Jesus: SHOULD I ASK HIM OUT

Tyho: Josh

Jesus: WHAT

Tyho: the guy in your room is me I am your boyfriend

Jesus: MY BOYFRIEND ISA PIECE OFTHE SUN

Tyho: thank u

Jesus: IWOULD PAINT HIM LIKEONE OF MY FRENCH GIRLS

Satan: shIT

Jesus: TITANIC IS CLASSICCCC

Jesus: WHATS THATONE SONG

Satan: which?

Jesus: THE ONE TYLERSINGS WHEN HES DRUNK

Tyho: time to take away his phone say bye Josh

Satan: WAIT NO WHAT SONG DOES TYLER SING WHEN HES DRUNK

Jesus: bye Josh

Satan: JOSH NO THATS U 

Jesus: bye Josh

Satan: I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SONG DAMNIT 

Jesus: THE MY HEART ONE

Satan: MY HEART WILL GO ON

Tyho: ITS TIME TO STOP


	84. teeth funeral

Jesus: TYLER IS BEIJNG A MEANIEE

Satan: what's he doing?

Jesus: HE WONTGET ME PIZZA ROLLS

Tyho: Josh u can't eat pizza rolls you just got teeth ripped out of ur skull

Jesus: EWIE

Jesus: WHERE DID THEY GO WHO STOLEMY TEETH

Tyho: they had to be removed baby

Jesus: cAn we have a funeral for themmm

Tyho: No

Jesus: WHY

Tyho: the teeth are already gone

Jesus: but we gotta have afuneral say bye bye

Tyho: Josh no the doctor said you're not allowed to leave bed

Jesus: ur a grumpy pants

Ryro: I'll come to a teeth funeral

Ryro: well that's a statement I never thought I'd say

Jesus: yAY THE HOE IS COMING

Ryro: fucking hell

Jesus: Tyler

Tyho: yo

Jesus: RyanIs coming over

Tyho: I know

Jesus: okay good thanks mom

Tyho: I am your boyfriend

Jesus: what kind of weirdfucking incest

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's like 7 in the morning this is the earliest i've ever updated (I'm going to another state and I didn't know if I would have wifi there so I updated early) 
> 
> Also what are you guys being for halloween? I might be Ryan or just use my horse mask or something


	85. uh oh spaghettios

Jesus: I'm reading the texts from yesterday and what the hell

Jesus: I texted my mom telling her I'm gay and she said "I know honey"

Satan: nO I LIKED BETTER WHEN JOSH WAS ON MEDS

Jesus: wow thanks

Tyho: josh

Jesus: yo yo

Tyho: there's pain killer things in the kitchen

Jesus: FUCK ME UP THE ASS YES

Tyho: someone go watch Josh pls I'm in class

Satan: will there be pay

Tyho: eat some of our food idc just make sure he doesn't do anything stupid on meds

Tyho: well even more stupid than usual

Satan: I got u

Tyho: PATRICK

Memelord: I'll throw a pillow

Asstrick: what

Tyho: can u go to my apartment and watch Josh and Brendon

Satan: WHY DONT YOU TRUST ME

Tyho: YOU ALMOST BURNED DOWN MY APARTMENT MAKING SPAGHETTIOS

Satan: uh oh spaghettios

Tyho: uh oh spaghettios is right

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay for a future set of fics i'm working on (surprise) would you rather have peterick or petekey?


	86. Paul Blart is my daddy

Ryro: guys I have an announcement

Memelord: OH GOD YOURE DYING

Ryro: no

Ryro: I am pregnant

Satan: it is impossible for you to get pregnant

Ryro: I am though Paul Blart is the daddy

Jesus: PAUL BLART IS MY BABY DADDY

Ryro: HE IS MINE STEP OFF

Jesus: I WILL FIGHT YOU

Satan: Ryan ur not pregnant and Paul Blart is not the daddy

Jesus: yeah because he's my baby daddy

Tyho: I'm not gonna stop him

Daddy: IM GOING TO STOP YOU BOTH

Daddy: PAUL BLART IS MY DADDY

Asstrick: LET KEVIN JAMES LIVE HIS LIFE IN PEACE THIS IS LIKE THE THIRD TIME WE'VE DISCUSSED THIS

Jesus: NO

Ryro: APRIL FOOL BITCHES I TOTALLY GOT YOU ALL

Legs: it's March?

Ryro: actually it's shut the fuck up

Legs: that was rude

Ryro: ok

Legs: it hurt my feelings a tad bit

Ryro: good for you

Satan: ryan be nice hoe

Ryro: fine

Ryro: Dallon would you please shut your mouth for a long extent amount of time

Legs: still hurt

Ryro: u know what else hurts

"Ryro" has removed "Legs" from the chat


	87. the squirrel, the myth, the legend

Satan: IM TRAPPED IN MY CAR OUTSIDE THE APARTMENTS HELP

Ryro: boy how are you trapped in your car

Satan: boy there is a squirrel that is watching me and I'm scared that it will attack me if I leave my car

Ryro: JUST GET OUT OF YOUR CAR

Satan: DO YOU WANT ME TO GET ATTACKED

Ryro: sort of 

Jesus: ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DOOFENSHMIRTZ

Satan: I THOUGHT HE WAS A MYTH

Jesus: YOU BET HES DAMN REAL

Daddy: THE SQUIRREL THE MYTH THE LEGEND

Ryro: who the fuck is doofenshmirtz

Satan: HES A SQUIRREL THAT TERRORIZES EVERYONE WHO LIVES IN THE APARTMENT COMPLEX AND JOSH NAMED HIM DOOFENSHMIRTZ

Ryro: okay me

Tyho: Josh remember when the squirrel chased us into the complex and we had to leave your box of cereal outside and you cried

Jesus: curse you Doofenshmirtz

 

 


	88. bibbity bop shut the fuck up

Jesus: MIKEY

Jesus: MIKE

Jesus: MIK

Jesus: MI

Milky: WILL YOU STOP TEXTING ME

Jesus: you didn't let me finish

Milky: WHAT DO YOU WANT

Jesus: When's ur graduation

Milky: I'm not telling u

Jesus: does Gerard know

Milky: (╯◕_◕)╯idk

Jesus: thanks

Gayrard: June 18th

Milky: (ノ_・。) bippity bop shut the fuck up 

Gayrard: stop with the emoticons u weeb

Milky: \\_(◉⌓◉)_/

Jesus: I WANT TO VISIT SOME OF MY OLD TEACHERS

Milky: MOST OF MY TEACHERS TOLD ME TO TELL GERARD TO TELL YOU GUYS NOT TO COME BECAUSE THEY DONT WANT TO SEE YOU

Daddy: Im gonna show up anyways

Milky: it's family only bro

Satan: were all like brothers to u here so what does it matter

Memelord: well this is just awkward then

Milky: SHIT

Satan: I TAKE IT BACK I TAKE IT BACK

Memelord: PLEASE

Milky: (ಠ◡ಠ') 

 


	89. "Jesus" has removed "Satan" from the group

Tyho: I can't figure out how to tie this tie help Josh

Milky: you guys are actually fucking coming okay

Jesus: of course

Milky: Josh it is ur birthday and u rather come to my graduation than go do something

Jesus: I mean I could do something but I want to see my boy graduate

Milky: call me ur boy again i will break your wrist

Jesus: that would be painful

Tyho: JOSH TIE PLEASE

Jesus: I AM COMING

Satan: he will be tonight am i right

Tyho: BRENDON BOYD

Satan: If I hear "daddy" I know it won't be Jack and Alex tonight

"Jesus" has removed "Satan" from the chat

Jesus: nobody add him back

"Ryro" added "Satan" to the chat

"Jesus" added "Legs" to the chat

Ryro: touché  
  
Tyho: JOSH PLEASE COME HELP IM ABOUT TO STRANGLE MYSELF WITH THIS THING

Jesus: am I going to have to do this on our wedding day too

Tyho: probably

Satan: SHIT THEY GETTING MARRIED BOYS

Memelord: we all already knew that

Jesus: NOT YET SHUT

Tyho: can I remove Brendon this time

Ryro: I'll do it for you

"Ryro" has removed "Satan" from the chat

 

 


	90. FUCKIN FINALLY

Satan: JOSH PROPOSED FUCK

Satan: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

Memelord: FUCKING FINALLY

Ryro: DONT PLAY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THIS BRO

Jesus: ;)

Daddy: FUCK ALEX WE MUST BEAT THEM TO MARRIAGE

Asskarth: IM PLANNING THE WEDDING

Ryro: JOSH I WAS PEEING REPROPOSE PLEASE

Jesus: BRENDON FILMED IT

Ryro: BUT VIDEO ISNT THE SAME

Jesus: WELL IM SORRY YOUR BLADDER IS SMALL

Milky: You fucking proposed at my graduation

Jesus: yeah I guess I did it was a little after tho

Milky: I want a play by play

Satan: I WANT TO EXPLAIN IT

Tyho: what if I wanted to

Satan: SHUT UP TYLER

Satan: SO WE WERE WONDERING AROUND THE SCHOOL SINCE ITS BEEN A YEAR SINCE WEVE SEEN IT AND SHIT AND WE GOT TO THE MUSIC ROOM AND JOSH WAS LIKE "YOU KNOW WHERE THIS IS TYLER" AND TYLERS LIKE "ITS THE MUSIC ROOM YOU DUMB FUCK" AND JOSH IS LIKE ITS TECHNICALLY THE FIRST PLACE WE MET BLAH BLAH BLAH GETS ON ONE KNEE PROPOSES AND YEA

Tyho: I could of explained it better but ya know

Ryro: Brendon explained it so well it felt like I was there watching it happen

Satan: thank u

Ryro: no thank u

Memelord: wait this means that we can't keep pressuring josh to propose because he finally manned up and did it

Jesus: *looks at Brendon and Ryan*

Tyho: it's time boys

Ryro: WAIT NO DONT PUT THIS ON US PETE

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it about damn time


	91. the drunk aunt and wine mom

Jesus: brendon and pete

Satan: suh dude

Memelord: waddup

Jesus: do u guys want to be my best men

Satan: Isn't there only one

Jesus: fine then it can just be pete

Satan: WAIT NO YEA OF COURSE MAN

Memelord: WOAH YEA DUDE

Tyho: Ryan Patrick and Alex will u guys be my best men

Ryro: FUCK YEA IM GOING TO GET DRUNK AS HELL THEN TELL AN EMBARRASSING STORY ABOUT YOU GUYS

asstrick: yeahh

Asskarth: NO RYAN I AM THE DRUNK AUNT

Ryro: YOURE THE WINE MOM

Asskarth: THATS PATRICK AND TYLER

Tyho: maybe that was a mistake asking them

Daddy: wait i wasn't included in the list of best men

Tyho: ur supposed to be one of Josh's

Jesus: I don't know what the fuck you're talking about

Daddy: i thought we were friends

Jesus: u chill

Daddy: thanks

Jesus: nah u can be one of my best men

Daddy: what if i don't want to

Asskarth: FUCKING HELL JACK JUST SAY YES STOP BEING DIFFICULT

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM REALLY FUCKING SORRY I DIDNT UPDATE YESTERDAY I HAD THE CHAPTER WRITTEN THEN I WENT OVER TO MY FRIENDS HOUSE AND THERE WAS NO WIFI AND I HAD NO WAY TO POST IT BUT I WILL DOUBLE UPDATE TODAY SO IT CAN MAKE UP FOR YESTERDAY


	92. wear heelys to escape your feelys

Jesus: can i wear lightning mcqueen crocs down the aisle

Tyho: no

Jos: but they light up

Tyho: only if you get me a pair too

Jesus: YEAH BOY

Satan: ur wedding isn't for a while

Jesus: what if i want to break them in before

Ryro: I HAVE AN IDEA EVERYONE SHUT THE HECK UP

Ryro: HEELYING DOWN THE AISLE

Jesus: SCREW THE LIGHTNING MCQUEEN SHOES IM WEARING HEELYS

Legs: i wear heelys to escape my feelys

Tyho: me too

Jesus: dallon did we invite u

Legs: *pretends like I totally wasn't waiting to be asked* no

Jesus: alright let's keep it that way

Legs: WAIT NO

Legs: STOP EXCLUDING ME FROM THE GROUP GUYS

Tyho: lol no

Satan: damn savage

Legs: fine i can go my own way on my heelys

Tyho: SHUT UP ABOUT HEELYS

Legs: NEVER 

 


	93. THIS MEANS WAR

Satan: ryan have u seen my pants

Ryro: way to be specific

Satan: the gray sweatpants u know the ones u like

Ryro: I have never seen those pants in my life

Satan: u sure because the last time I wore them u complimented my butt

Jesus: gay

Satan: thanks josh

Tyho: ryan weren't u wearing gray sweatpants today

Ryro: hmm

Satan: ryan

Ryro: who is she? I don't know her

Satan: r u wearing my pants

Ryro: THIS MEANS WAR

Satan: DUDE THIS DOES NOT MEAN WAR I JUST WANT MY PANTS

Ryro: YOURE GOING TO HAVE TO PRY THEM OFF MY COLD DEAD LEGS

Satan: please I just want my pants

Ryro: they're on my body

Satan: please

Frnk: relationship goals

Gayrard: we share clothes wyd

Frnk: well sometimes u wear clothes that I want to wear

Gayrard: sucks for u then

Frnk: y'all

Jesus: you've been dead for years

Frnk: can I still come to yo wedding

Jesus: no

Gayrard: can I come

Jesus: sure and you can be a best man too

Frnk: WHAT THE FUCK

 


	94. teletubbie costume

Jesus: do any of you guys know where I can get an easter bunny costume

Ryro: what the fuck kind of question is that

Satan: damn u and tyler are really into that kinky shit

Jesus: first of all NO

Jesus: second I have to dress up like the easter bunny for a family party and I waiting for the last minute and I am slowly dying

Memelord: I have one in my closet at my house

Jesus: why

Jesus: wait no

Jesus: do i want to know

Asstrick: Pete has like 12 million costumes and he won't let me get rid of them

Memelord: THEY ARE NECESSITIES

Asstrick: WHEN IS A TELETUBBIE COSTUME NECESSARY

Memelord: YOU NEVER KNOW

Asstrick: NEVER PETER

Memelord: I CAN GET MONEY ON THE HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD OR WORK AT KIDS BIRTHDAY PARTIES STOP PRESSURING ME MAN

Asstrick: Please help me I cannot control him myself

Jesus: pete r u okay

Memelord: college IS GETTIN TO ME MAN

Satan: take a nap when is the last time u slept boy

Memelord: I kinda blacked out for a couple hours today

Memelord: TAKE A NAP

Memelord: NO

Jesus: he is yelling at himself

Memelord: u know a nap sounds good I'm gonna go do that

Asstrick: please

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know okay


	95. Snoop Dog

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kinda big time skip btw woo

Satan: WE GOT A DOG BOYS

Ryro: DOG WHERE

Ryro: wait it my dog

Jesus: WHAT IS THE DOGGOS NAME

Satan: Snoop

Pete Winkle Tinkle: YOU DID NOT NAME YOUR DOG SNOOP

  
Ryro: get it Snoop Dog

Jesus: I want to hate it but I don't

Jack Meoff: the first thing you do after u get out of college is buy a dog

Satan: hey frank and gerard have like 10 billion

Frnk: ITS 4

Tyho: you could like fill a bathtub in your dogs and bathe in dogs

Frnk: already one step ahead of you

Satan: also jack what is ur name

Jack Meoff: separate the last name

Satan: jack me off

Satan: YOU SLY FUCK

Milky: Wait I thought you can't have dogs in apartments

Ryro: we have house

Tyho: which is right in the same community as ours and pete and pat and everyone else will probably move here at some point because our life is really a sitcom

Ryro: don't act like u hate it

Tyho: I do

Ryro: but come on we can go on jogs around the community in yoga pants while complaining about our kids Kevin and Brad

Tyho: that's oddly specific and no

Ryro: BUT SUSAN PLEASE

Tyho: MY NAMES NOT SUSAN

Ryro: MAYBE YOU HAD TOO BIG OF GLASS OF WINE AFTER KEVINS SOCCER GAME


	96. the government is lying to you

Ryro: why is josh skating around in an alien mask

Jesus: the aesthetic

Ryro: you are a grown ass man and you're riding around our community with an alien mask, nasa shirt and I don't even want to know what it says on your sign

Jesus: it says "the government is lying to you"

Ryro: of course it fucking does

Tyho: STOP CALLING ME IM AT WORK

Ryro: control your fiancé please

Tyho: what is he doing this time

Ryro: scroll up I'm too lazy to retype it

Tyho: JOSH

Jesus: sHIT

Tyho: I THOUGHT WE AGREED TO DO THAT WHEN I GOT HOME

Jesus: I'M SORRY

Ryro: YOURE CONDONING THIS?? IM MY GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS???

Tyho: YEAH ITS SICKKK

Ryro: I am officially done with the Joseph-Duns

Ryro: is that the last time u guys are doing

Tyho: we going with Dun

Jack Meoff: Tyler Dun

Jack Meoff: well fuck I'm old

Jack Meoff: remember when Josh and Tyler first met and they were all awkward around each other then they announced the were dating and shit was flipped

Asskarth: they're like our sons

Jack Meoff: they are our sons

Tyho: I am not your son

Jack Meoff: shush my son

Jesus: I better be a son in law or this shit is just weird

Jack Meoff: they're so old now

Jesus: don't you and Alex have married people things to do

Jack Meoff: Alex we should have kids

Asskarth: I mean I don't think it's possible to push a human out of my body so no

Satan: YOU GUYS WOULD BE HORRIBLE DADS

Asskarth: SO WOULD YOU AND RYAN TALK SHIT GET HIT

Satan: WE WOULD BE GREAT DADS

Frnk: I am the best doggy daddy no one can take my throne from me

Asskarth: YOU KNOW LETS SEE WHO COULD BE BETTER DADS

Patty Wack Dat Ass: DO NOT ADOPT CHILDREN TO SEE WHO WOULD BE BETTER DADS

Satan: IF WERE BEING REAL HERE JOSH AND TYLER WOULD BE THE BEST DADS

Jesus: WHAT THE FUCK

Tyho: DO YOU GUYS NOT RECALL WHEN JOSH TAUGHT THE KIDS IN MY FAMILY CURSE WORDS

Satan: I retract my statement

Jesus: IT WAS ONE TIME

Tyho: IT WAS TWICE JOSH TWICE

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS HAS JUST TURNED TO JOSHLER WHOOPS THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS


	97. I AM SONIC

Jesus: I LOST TYLER IN IKEA AND IM SCARED

Tyho: YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DECIDED TO RUN OFF TO HIDE IN A WARDROBE

Jesus: I WAS TRYING TO SCARE YOU AND I ACCIDENTALLY SCARED AN OLD LADY AND SHE HIT ME WITH HER BAG AND IM LIKE 99 PERCENT SURE SHE HAD BRICKS IN THERE

Satan: OMGF

Jesus: WHERE ARE YOU

Tyho: HIDING

Jesus: TYLER NO I THINK THESE PEOPLE THINK IM A LOST CHILD LOOKING FOR MY MOTHER

Tyho: sucks for you doesn't it

Jesus: please

Tyho: should of thought about that before

Jesus: I DONT KNOW WHERE YOU ARE

Tyho: YOULL HAVE TO COME AND FIND ME THEN

Jesus: Seriously I have passed the same couch four times

Tyho: hint this is where i was when we first met

Jesus: YOURE IN A CLOSET

Tyho: "stop running sir" "I AM SONIC"

Jesus: SO YOU CLOSE TO ME NOW I NEED TO POWERWALK LIKE A WHITE SUBURBAN MOM 

Ryro: Are we even sure they are adults they seem like they're 7

Jesus: we got kicked out

Jack Meoff: it other news the sun came up this morning

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> would you guys follow if I made an instagram I could keep you guys updated with stuff and we can cry about Josh Dun together


	98. kinkshame or kinksame

Asskarth: Jack is talking in his sleep and I think he's plotting to kill me

Asskarth: NOPE I THINK HES HAVING A WET DREAM

Satan: why are you telling us this

Asskarth: if I have to suffer you all do too

Satan: it's your husband

Asskarth: it's your friend

Satan: I NEVER SAID HE WAS MY FRIEND

Asskarth: I THINK HES HAVING A WET DREAM ABOUT DANNY DEVITO NOPE NOPE NOPE

Memelord: MEMEMEME

Memelord: did I say meme twice or me four times the world may never know

asstrick: please stop

Asskarth: SHOULD I WAKE HIM UP

Ryro: no let your boy get laid by daddy d

Satan: you did not just call danny devito "daddy d"

Ryro: I did and I ain't ashamed about it

Satan: I'm kink shaming

Jesus: kinkshame or kinksame??

Satan: never say that to me ever again

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MADE AN INSTAGRAM AND ITS CQMISADO (BASICALLY JUST CAMISADO WITH A Q INSTEAD OF THE FIRST A)


	99. tweedle dee and tweedle dum

Satan: THAT WAS THE CUTEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN

Jack Meoff: was my wedding not good enough for you

Satan: mehhhhh

Jack Meoff: wow i'll try harder next time

Asskarth: next time?? you're stuck me sweaty

Jack Meoff: YOU WONT EVEN CHANGE YOUR USERNAME ITS STILL "ASSKARTH"

Asskarth: but it's my thing

Ryro: alex ur name is alex barakat?

Asskarth: ye

Ryro: oh I kind of zoned out at your wedding

Jack Meoff: thanks Ryan

Baracat: is that better

Jack Meoff: did you steal one of my old usernames

Baracat: maybe

Baracat: there can only be one

Baracat: wait no

Baracat: try me

Ryro: I THOUGHT WE SAID NEVER TO HAVE THE SAME USERNAMES AGAIN AFTER THE MEME DADDY INCIDENT

Baracat: THIS IS AN EXCEPTION

Baracat: WE MUST FIGHT

Baracat: THE WATER GUNS ARE IN THE GARAGE

Ryro: where's Josh and Tyler I like talking to them and not tweedle dee and tweedle dumb

Satan: probably fucking

Gee: usually josh will send a wink if they're not and he just wants to mess with us 

Ryro: HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT

Gee: idk just kinda do

Gee: plus it would be pretty hard to type during sex unless you're a bottom which let's be honest josh is not

Satan: Ive texted all of you during sex

Gee: nasty hoe 

Ryro: LETS GET OFF THIS TOPIC 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS ALMOST FUCKING OVER OH FUCK SHIT


	100. brendon why

Brendon: what's UP BOYS

Josh: HE BROUGHT IT BACK SHIT

Ryan: I HAVENT TALKED TO YOU GUYS IN SO LONG

Josh: 1. we talked this morning 2. we all live in the same community we see each other every day

Tyler: oh no I go to put my child to sleep and I come back to this

Lynn: wait you have a child now

Tyler: yes

Lynn: I haven't talked to you guys in fifty billion years I'm so confused

Brendon: basically all of us are married (not to each other that would just be weird) tyler and josh have a kid so do I and ryan and pete and patrick, jack and alex who the fuck knows what they're doing, frank and gerard have dogs

Lynn: my boys have kids.. damn

Mel: I'm gay

Ryro: practically all of us are so

Mel: shit my phone was stolen

Pete: by who

Mel: my roommate troye

Pete: ur bf?

Mel: we are both gay so Im afraid no

Dallon: thanks for leaving me out

Brendon: you're still in this chat?

Dallon: yes and I have two kids

Josh: haha ur so old

Dallon: were the same age

Josh: where's mikey I want him to tell Dallon he's old

Mikey: you're both old shut up

Josh: thanks Michael

Brendon: where's your brother?

Mikey: he fled to mexico

Tyler: we've all be through that

Josh: true shit

Patrick: I in fact have never fled to Mexico

Josh: you haven't lived then

Patrick: guess not

Pete: we could flee to Mexico Patrick

Patrick: ehh we have child and dog

Pete: they can come

Patrick: we're not fleeing to Mexico Pete

Pete: fine

Jack: he is a child

Alex: you used our mattress as a sled on the stairs

Jack: now that's just fun

Alex: you broke your arm

Jack: now that's just a party

Alex: yeah "pete's a child"

Gerard: frank got all of our dogs to get on the bed on top of him then when I went to go to bed he claimed the dogs were his blanket and then proceed to cuddle the dogs the entire night and left me barely any space on the bed

Jack: that was too much to read I don't want to read it

Gerard: that's mean

Jack: :)

Gerard: :(

Frank: DOG BLANKET

Gerard: SEE

Patrick: WE GET IT ALL OF YOU ARE MAN CHILDREN

Alex: leave us be

Ryan has changed the chat name to "man children"

Tyler has changed the chat name to "no"

Ryan has changed the chat name to "yes"

Brendon has changed the name to "oh yes daddy"

Pete: Brendon why

Josh: love you guys

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had to write these end notes 3 times so hopefully this time it goes well. I just want to thank you all for reading and sticking around to the end. I will sort of be continuing this "series" with a fic of oneshots which will be out sometime in the near future. I'll post something on my instagram and tumblr about it. (instagram- cqmisado and tumblr- ryanrossisdead) 
> 
> Soo yeah, I don't really know what else to say except thank you really so yeah. <3


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